You have never fit in and why the heck would you want to?

ENGLAND, U.K. - Sept. 19, 2016 - PRLog -- I have never fit in…

Never been a regular kind of girl…

Not black enough to fully understand my African family or be understood by them…

Not white enough because, well, I am simply not white

And I see the world through different lenses than most people…

Always one for dreaming bigger than my 'station'…

Always someone who wanted everything NOW, not later…

And always one with ever-expanding goals that people tried to spiritualize out of me…

"Oh, you must learn to be content, Rosemary"

"Good things come to those who wait, Rosemary"

"Less is more, Rosemary"

"Wait on the Lord, Rosemary"

"You cannot just have whatever you want, Rosemary"

"Stop being so selfish, Rosemary… And you call yourself a Christian!" (eyes rolled for effect)

And for the longest time, I thought there was something wrong with me…

Why could I not be satisfied?

Why could I not just settle?

Why was I so rebellious when I really wanted to be liked?

Why were my best attempts to fit in, met with failure?

Why did no one see that I was trying my hardest?

And why the hell did God give me these big dreams and then put me in a society and church as a female who was not allowed to do such things?

Was it all some kind of punishment?

Or maybe a test?

But why then did it feel more like this 'god' must be sadistic?

(And slowly, my thought patterns began to change…)

Maybe these rules are completely manmade?

Maybe, no one has questioned this stuff for so long and I am just going along with it out of fear and a need to be a part of the 'tribe'?

But frankly, why should I have to fit in?

And why the hell don't they even try to understand me?

Rosemary Nonny Knight (http://rosemarynonnyknight.com)