Simon Yowl Helps Ted Burns….and Ted Meets Lucille Tumbletee

Dec. 4, 2011 - PRLog -- Sunday 4 December 2011: Day 4

Ted Burns has reached the fourth day of his campaign to capture Father Christmas, the Sage and Onion Sociopath. As the fate of Santa, and of Christmas, look about as steady as a pre-cooked turkey on a unicycle, the British public – having happily exchanged their capacity for independent thought with the chance to watch The Cube with Philip Schofield on ITV – desperately need guidance. From a reliable source. From an impartial source. From a source with no discernible vested interest. Step forward entertainment and media mogul Simon Yowl, who has  rganized a 98-hour telethon to raise a bounty on Santa’s head.

Only Simon is far too busy to talk to Ted. So instead, he’s sent the rather lovely Lucille Tumbletee, famed for her ability to whittle busts of well-known acts from the hit parade out of balsa wood using only a turkey baster and an egg whisk. With a flutter of the eyelids and a wave of her (culinary) equipment, it appears Lucille has also whittled away the 78-foot exoskeleton of scorn around the place where Ted’s heart used to be. But will Lucille feel the same? And can she explain what that loud, Santa-shaped noise is in the distance?

Watch Day 4 of Ted Burns’ quest here (www.youtube.com/tedburnsofficial). A new webisode will be uploaded to YouTube every morning from December 1 to December 25 (inclusive), as we follow Ted's quest to save/ruin Christmas.

COMPETITION TIME

Ted and Robin have cleared out the Third Degree liquor cabinet, drunk most of the Meths and all of the White Spirit, and still found there is some impressively-strong festive booze left over. It is even, unlike The Cube with Philip Schofield, fit for human consumption. If, of course, you agree sherry is fit for human consumption...

To get your hands on this mind-bogglingly high percentage prize, send in a photo of Santa or post a rip-roaringly funny comment on Ted’s Facebook (facebook.com/tedburnsofficial). Maybe amaze him on Twitter (twitter.com/ted_burns) with your insights on tracking down the big man. Or, perchance, watch today’s episode and leave some dieting tips for him on YouTube (youtube.com/tedburnsofficial). Or mix those up. Whatever. All we know is that it is day four, and Ted needs your help to snaffle Santa, the Mistletoe Molester.

Entries to be judged personally by Ted.

Watch Day 3 of Ted Burns’ quest here: youtube.com/tedburnsofficial

Send in your sightings and tips:

Twitter: twitter.com/ted_burns
Facebook: facebook.com/tedburnsofficial
Email: tedburnsthirddegree@yahoo.co.uk