Mental Health News: Public Urged To Learn These Marriage Skills

Oct. 11, 2011 - PRLog -- The increasing rate of divorce and family breakdown is a major cause of depression, stress, anxiety, addiction, unemployment, poverty, physical illness and suicide in adults and children.

Beginning in school years, an important part of the remedy is to educate the general public in the skills and principles for having a healthy marriage and family.

The following principles and skills are adapted from “Effective Counseling Skills” by Daniel Keeran, MSW, in digital and hard copy at http://www.amazon.com/Effective-Counseling-Skills-therapeutic-statements/dp/1442177993

1. To grow as healthy adults, children need the security of parents in a loving committed relationship. Infidelity is a major grief experience that often leads to sexual promiscuity in children and the inability to maintain a healthy meaningful relationship in adult life.

2. Love is not primarily romantic or sexual attraction but rather remaining committed enough to work out problems except when infidelity and verbal or physical abuse cannot be resolved.

3. Spend time together to maintain closeness and caring. Lengthy separations and long distances or absences required by work, usually undermine the relationship.

4. A strong relationship requires being lovers and friends, shared values and beliefs, common hopes and dreams. Quality time together includes talking about these things.

5. The language of caring depends on the individual. Learn how your spouse feels cared about: gifts such as flowers and candy, observing special days such as birthdays and anniversaries, words of affection or attraction, physical affection, compliments on physical appearance and clothing, words of appreciation for effort such as meal preparation, helping with tasks, and others identified by your spouse.

6. Be sensitive and listen to your spouse’s emotions that convey stress, anxiety, fear, anger, guilt, sadness, low self-worth, hopelessness, pleasure, joy and celebration. Speak the ‘feeling words’ and help him or her talk more about the emotions by saying, “So you feel (example: sad) because of what happened?” This way of supporting your spouse, conveys caring on a deep emotional level, helps them talk more about the inner life, and builds a close relationship. Avoid judging your spouse as this tends to undermine the willingness to be open.

7. Learn how to resolve conflicts by mutual problem-solving and moving beyond power and control. See the report on this at http://www.ctihalifax.com/images/Steps_To_Making_Peace.pdf

8. Understand that you and your spouse have childhood experiences affecting your adult life, and beginning a path of self-discovery and healing may be needed in order for you to have the healthy relationship you desire.  

Basic counseling skills can help build a healthy marriage. For free practical download articles and to learn basic skills see http://www.collegemhc.com

See this practical video from the President http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aodrYDAo9xk



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