How Do I Learn to Fight Fair?

Feb. 25, 2011 - PRLog -- When frustration builds up in a marriage, we escalate by being angry, oppositional and violent. Demanding, challenging and requesting from the other person to change first, so then we’ll deliver the right behavior, is a dead end. What we do to defend ourselves, the other side experiences as an attack against her! And you never intended it to be abusive!

Our negative emotions and knee jerk reactions force us to fight when we should try other more caring ways to reach out to our loved one.

The truth is that we begin relationships with positive emotions (love and respect) but when conflict appears we are forced to replace them with negative ones. It’s our deep emotions taking charge, together with a lack of skills about how to fight fair.

If this makes sense for you, here are four things to consider:

      Negative emotions (fear, mistrust, anger) are imprinted in us (unfortunately, we don’t realize how frequent this is).
      Negative feelings can shape our perceptions and theirs (and we don’t realize this is happening).
     We trust our feelings, even being negative, to give us solutions to intellectual problems (feelings can’t do that).
     It is the way in which we express and frame our perceptions that builds a negative interaction that scares people away.

ALL this translates into growing hostility and diminishing feelings of love, care and reciprocal respect. Here, your marriage is in danger!

Consequently, if you knew how to identify negative reactions, how to stop nagging, doing knee-jerk “defensive” reactions and improve your communication style NOW, you can expect that your partner will automatically react differently. In fact you can motivate the other person towards caring, loving, and respecting you!

There is a simple, yet effective, process to manage disputes even before they appear; and it includes helping both of you to have your needs met!

Let me help you start learning how to fight fair. Visit http://conflictcoach.me/get-help/we-are-always-fighting/ for your free 30 Minutes coaching session, and discover why fair fighting works.

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Creative Conflict Resolutions' purpose now is to find the tools which would transform any relationship from a damaged, unhappy state, into one of reciprocal cooperation, acceptance, recognition and love. Learn to heal your relationships for a better life!