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Author of Emotional IQ: "Practical Definition" of Emotional Intelligence
"I prefer practical definitions," says Scot Conway, author of the book Emotional IQ. "Academic insights are useful for professors, but for business people, we need tools we can learn today and apply tomorrow. That's where 'PUMU' comes from."
More important than tweaking a definition is his ability to teach Emotional Intelligence. My using his unique Language of Emotions approach, Conway says anyone can become an Emotional Genius. In short, he teaches a system of decoding emotions that allows even an emotional novice to analyze situations and a person's role in it to interpret emotion. Rather than simple intuition (long claimed as territory by a gifted few), Conway provides a systematic, logical way to sort through emotion.
With the skills he teaches, Conway claims you can dramatically enhance your ability to Perceive emotions (yours and others'), Understand Emotion (by understanding his definitions)
Perceive starts with labels. What would you call the emotion you feel? What label could you put on an emotion?
Very simple Perceive: Can you tell what you’re feeling? Can you rate your feeling on a scale of 1-10?
Can you tell what someone’s feeling? Can you rate their feelings?
What does their feeling mean? Can you understand why someone would feel the way they feel? Can you look at the facts and their emotion makes sense to you given those facts. You can see why someone would be angry. You can see why someone would be afraid.
A higher level of understanding is to know what that feeling means. If you know they are angry, and you understand that anger means “broken rule,” then you can help. You may be able to help them resolve their anger. You might even be able to head off their anger.
If you deeply understand anger, you might even be able to manage and use it. It’s possible to shift from being the person they are angry with to being the person who solves their problem. That requires a deep enough understanding of anger!
One of the most powerful, common (and dangerous) management techniques is Instant State Change.
As you deeply understand the emotions through a decoding system like the Language of Emotions, you’ll be exponentially more effective at managing emotions. It starts with a very solid understanding. That understanding then gives you the tools to manage emotions!
Over-promise and under-deliver will create Anger. By understanding that Anger means “broken rule,” you can see that you are helping someone set and expectation (a rule), and then you are breaking the rule. If you see that, then you know that you need a way to manage expectations. You need a way to pre-frame delivery. The most obvious way is promise only what you can deliver. Inform clients as soon as you know of a possible change. Keeping expectations at least in line with delivery will eliminate anger!
Fear means “something’
That creates stacked negative emotions! You’ll add overwhelm to the list! Overwhelm means “too much!” Added to the fear, now you really have created a problem!
To use emotion means you know what it is, you know what it means, you know how to manage it – and now you can use all of that to do what needs doing.
When you feel fear, you know that you need to take a look at what’s coming. It becomes a prompt to take a look at what’s coming. You look at what ready looks like, and whether you are ready. Then you prepare. You use the fear to get ready.
Having a practical, working model helps frame how you handle emotions. PUMU: Perceive, Understand, Manage, Use helps you frame emotions in a way to help you deal with them effectively. The Language of Emotions gives you a powerful advantage whether you have high natural emotional intuition or you hate dealing with feelings. It gives you a systematic way to talk about emotions, understand emotions, and train others in how to do the same check this out.
LANGUAGE OF EMOTIONS
Among the uses of Conway's model is distinguishing between emotions. For instance, Anger means "broken rule." Frustration means "I've done by part, but I didn't get my outcome." With this distinction, you can tell if that tight, jaw-tighening, fist-clenching feeling you have is really anger or frustration. You can tell the same in members of your project team.
More importantly for a project manager, you can anticipate likely emotional reactions. In a highly professional environment, people may not express their emotions to members of the project team - but it will affect their work. By understanding how the emotions work, if you see that someone is likely not to get the result from the work he is doing, you can anticipate frustration. One simple solution is to make it clear that the intended result requires something more - or some other outside event - in order for the outcome to be achieved.
Conway teaches his courses in live on-site seminars. Much less expensively, his material is also available in a 24 hour audio series entitled Language of Emotions 101a and 101b. Each set is 24 lessons, and as of this writing, the complete 24 lesson Emotional Genius series was selling for only $49. He also provides much of his information in his book, Emotional IQ, available on Amazon for less than $10 for Kindles and Kindle Apps. (He even gave this book away for free in October 2012). To find his audio program, go to his website www.ScotConway.com. A list of his live seminars is available at www.MasterRevelation.com.
Find his books at Amazon.com.
All of Conway’s Books: http://www.amazon.com/