ME & MY EGO/ Thank You for Leaving Amal Islim Copyright © 2009 All rights reserved

July 12, 2011 - PRLog -- Walking with the Vain Cattle/ Chapter 3/ The Journey towards the Higher Self/ Step 15- annexed 1: Leeloo is hiding behind me.
I remember some time ago I dreamt that my inner monster was getting bored. I, holding back his poisonous arrows hindered him to wander, aim at his quarries, and capture their scents. He said: “What happened to our shared love and all we adored”? I replied in faith: “I let go fierce spirit. Go find another soul to rent.” “Just wait my heart,” he said: “Where’re you going?! Just come back here. You think you’re leaving! Suddenly you’re clear! Let me remind you babe, without me you’re just an ape. You’ll make no money! Face it honey. Let’s discuss, create no fuss! I’M your real companion— I’M your hope, I’M your stallion. Don’t try to defy me dear!  This is the rule—don’t be a fool, you’re under stress, no need to press; no panic baby, I’m under control— Just relax now, let’s have a ball. I’ll make us number ONE, as I always did! We’re on the roll, we’re in the bid. Ah, in your Chanel dress! You look like Bes! I must confess; you stand so lovely and tall! But to keep it all, you must listen and obey; lie on my silk veil if you must, come—just lay.” Now, his nails in my hair but with a gentler hiss: “I’m here to guide you—bitter to swallow! I’ll show you the way, you just follow. I’ve been with you forever, why did you keep me so long if without me you’re terribly clever? Think again, you need me now, leaving me is incredibly wrong. You believe you want to run! But baby, I’m your shadow, I’m your Santa; I’m your blow! Ho Ho Ho! Without me, there’s no fun! Now come here and give me a kiss! I’m your protector, I’m your bliss. Now hush my girl, you know I love you. You are my one, my only Dis.”
“Are you done now?!” I think. So I chanted back to my inner foe: “Much obliged to your cogent, pithy speech! May I serve you a whiskey or a candied peach! Now silence boy, I shall speak, after all you’re not so chic! I’m not you, I can sense you coming! You just keep me confused and numbing. I take my control back and command you to snooze, with that, like a pill or just the booze! I can perceive your babble now… Oh not again that repulsive vow! Go now, go your way. Oh, how you led me astray! You outstayed your welcome, staring in my mirror playing handsome—whirring in my head your pains and fears, no more feeding on my tears, adding layers on my years. I’m passing your limits, I’m crossing your line, I do not fear— it’s my time. My blade will stay covered in its sheath; no heads will roll on my streets; no longer need to win the game, or anyone to defeat— by legitimate effort, or by your canny cheat. Now hit the road but not on my feet. How I’ve had it with your deceit! A trophy for your lies! The most credible I’ve ever heard. Or was it the truth that I never dared? I can stare your devil straight in the eye; shame for you, I’ve grown out of dread, dear. Problem there with your hell! Goodbye now, protect it well. Manage without me I need what’s true. I stand alone, no need for you”.

Yes, he left me indeed! I was discarded without a “noble” temper, without a vain ego, wondering how to be armed with pureness, goodness and inner peace! How can I now fight and survive without fury, position or wealth? How shall I now react to malice? With love, kindness and understanding, among vultures! While my child within is dormant, nauseous and caged in noise! And how am I supposed to tolerate these hearts when my very own causes me so much torture! And do I have the strength to embrace their darkness when I haven’t yet found my light? I thought I’d search the answers within a soul’s journey— Oh that road has much length! I’m still disoriented and bemused, but also now frail and bleak. While he sneers his “fare-hell” at me, in tears I sensed him leave.  He knew better not to come back, and I knew better not to look back
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Walking with the Vain Cattle/ book. Visit press room to read reviews and other posts.
A spiritual drama about the passage from the darkness to the light, the fight between the ego and the spirit in a materialistic world while trying to reach harmony, balance and inner peace. A theatrical musical.