THE REALIZATION OF MY IGNORANCE / by Amal A. Islim Copyright © 2009 All rights reserved

June 25, 2011 - PRLog -- (This piece is Annexe 4/ Chapter 7: GOLDEN FIELDS/ from WALKING WITH THE VAIN CATTLE. P.S. GOLDEN FIELDS / Annexe 3: The song/ “In the womb of life/ It’s my coffin you’re carrying”. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DO_cFBJPTlc )

What a lugubrious provoking dream! Quite a revealing song! I wake up now shattered yet keen; I have a new chance now to cast my wrong. Life is clement and will forgive me:
For the hearts and promises I broke, to drive away my upheaval. For intimidating others by playing the strong, for my grandeur’s retrieval! For having the malicious invoked, to protect me from a higher evil. For putting people on the wrong track, so when they stab, it won’t be in my back. For chasing change and remaining the strange, to decipher all in my mind’s cage.
But some of my sins I learned from you, my Lord! As leaving my door wide open to see how they dash in and conquer. And giving them free will to test how much they’ll abuse. Gifting them grandeur’s illusion to discover how they’ll treat the meek. As the faster I see through them, the faster I can discard them. Isn’t that human? But what about you, my Lord! Is that why You love your solitude? Did they disappoint you too? Once after once, and once more!
Heavenly Father, I need to come to you now. I’ll cleanse my spirit, and resurrect. With this pure new heart, nothing left to correct. I’m ready. Yes, Cherubs are here, wrapping me in an infant suede sheets! How wonderful! What an angelic treat!! To fly me to heavens, and win it all! Wait a minute! This cover is labeled: “Made of your skin, 100% purged hide!”
Claustrophobia is playing its tricks on me again! Stop now, I’m so beat. But didn’t the fear help me stay free? And my paranoia that kept me safer! Or was it only my serenity’s waiver? I keep walking escaping my every feeling. A fleeing heart! Yes, of me unveiling.

I’m fenced in by edges on all fronts, and my wings are still buried under my curving shoulders; as I go away with the fairies…! But earth seems to be calling! I realize now that I must stop in the midst of my deserts, this road is infinite; I’m not equipped to run forever. I swallow my breath, and with a silent gasp, I dare to turn. As I look behind me, to my maddest surprise, I find no one there! No one is following me! I’m all alone! All these years I ran from monsters, but there is not even a shadow! I laughed in hysteria for all the years I ran, and then I kneeled on my lands of sand, and wept. All what I created were ghosts, maybe just to keep me company. It’s time for my healing. I will kiss the loving new tomorrow. At present, nothing to me is more welcome.

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