He doesn't have to change for you to be happy

Dec. 10, 2010 - PRLog -- When your lifelong dream is to be loved and cherished by a good man it’s difficult for you to consider that you could be happy without that.  Our culture extols the idea of romantic love as the ultimate fulfillment for a woman but that may be a myth.

He may be too good to leave  

Sophie, a 37 year old website developer from El Dorado Hills describes her live in boyfriend Thomas as a keeper in many ways.  He’s hardworking, a good provider, handsome and funny which is what attracted Sophie in the beginning.  Now he spends too many evenings playing video games, watching sports, and helping his friend build a drag racing car.  He doesn’t make her feel special anymore.  Sex is often the only way she gets his attention.  The more she complains to him the worse it gets.

Men can be disappointing as soul mates

Many men were taught to be tough, ignore their feelings, and channel energy into work, so it’s not their fault that they aren’t as attuned to us and as affectionate as we want.  It’s natural for the rush of excitement and chemical attraction to wear off in a long term relationship.  It’s not like the movies where finding the right one is all it takes for blissful happiness.  

Be empowered not a victim

When you believe that your happiness depends on him and his behavior you are a victim and the more you whine and complain to him the less attractive you become.  Sophie was able to take more responsibility for her own happiness instead of looking to Thomas.  She planned outings with her girlfriends—a play, a weekend hiking in Tahoe.  Joining a triathlon club and buying a new bike expanded her social connections and shrunk her waistline.  She cooked food that she wanted to eat and rented movies she liked.  

The outcome may surprise you

Amazingly Thomas wanted to join her on the bike and hiking trips and left his video games to cuddle up with her and watch her movies.  He texted her sweet messages when she was out with her friends.  The more she took care of herself and focused on her own dreams the more attractive she was to him.  It was hard in the beginning for Sophie to discover her interests outside the relationship but she realized the boost to her self esteem when she took risks and tried new adventures.  

Check out the author’s book CHANGE YOUR MINDSET NOT YOUR MAN, Learn to Love What's Right Instead of Trying to Fix what's Wrong (Adams Media 2009) at www.salllywatkins.net  for more ideas for self empowerment.

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As a licensed psychotherapist I wrote the book CHANGE YOUR MINDSET NOT YOUR MAN, Learn to Love What's Right Instead of Trying to Fix What's Wrong (Adams Media 2009) to help women become strong, happy, and have a full life with a normally flawed man.