Breaking News: 1-800-Haul-Out names Brendan Murphy Sexiest Man Alive

Nov. 14, 2012 - PRLog -- Breaking News: 1-800-Haul-Out names Brendan Murphy Sexiest Man Alive

Sure, People Magazine singled out Channing Tatum as Sexiest Man Alive for his ice blue eyes, washboard abs, and run-your-fingers-through-me hair. What’s not to love? We’ll tell you what: How about the lack of scraggly beard? The utter dearth of a warm jiggly Keystone Light belly? The absence of a stoner laugh and cockeyed grin? That’s why we hear at 1-800-Haul-Out feel that Brendan Murphy was mistakenly overlooked for the title.

A perfect example of this oversight can be found in the veritable bevy of beautiful women splashed across the screen on Entertainment Tonight. Without fail, they always have a piece of Man Candy on their arms – Kim Kardashian has bestowed her booty onto the Swaggerific Kanye West. Taylor Swift (almost) swindled an underage Kennedy into marrying her. Even chin-er-ific Kristen Stewart had the opportunity to cheat on sparkly Rob Pattinson (and took it!). Still, we can’t help but wonder if they’re missing the best prize of all! Murphy’s loping figure and lanky arms point to a workout one can only get by chucking old toilets and tetanus-riddled scrap metal from a basement to a truck bed.

So, dear readers, we put the question to you: What’s more impressive? A Hollywood hunk with incredible dance moves, unbelievable bone structure, and (let’s be honest) a huge penis? Or your average Joe that brightens people’s days by de-cluttering their lives stirring up the asbestos in their basements? The choice is clear, America. Brendan Murphy: Sexiest Man Alive.