BREAKING: Donald Trump’s Investigators Spotted in Hawaii

April 20, 2011 - PRLog -- HAWAII -- Real estate tycoon Donald Trump said he has doubts about whether President Obama was born in the United States and has sent investigators to Hawaii looking for answers.

BREAKING: we've spotted those experienced investigators on the hunt for the elusive long-form birth certificate:

"I couldn't believe my eyes at first," said Uglytourists.com contributor Tony Hooks. "I didn't think that Trump really had investigators here in Hawaii. But photos don't lie. They're here and they mean business."

After further digging, the Uglytourists.com team found that the dizzyfying patriotic swim trunks on the gentleman PI are actually high-tech presidential investigation attire (also known on the street as "PIA") only available in Canada with a license.

"Canada has always been very progressive in the fight against foreign-born American presidents," says Noah LeBlanc, an eBay seller of Canadian investigative gear. "Plus it's in our blood to produce rad stuff that can't be bought in the US."

LeBlanc says that while it is illegal for Canadian sellers of such attire to export to America, "I guess we just don't have a big market up here for American patriotic styles so shady sellers still do it. But we're not like that. We're not that kind of outfit."*

A cursory eBay search for "+PIA -Zadora" brought up a number of sellers of such Canadian investigative contraband.

Concurrent to our exclusive reveal of Trump's investigators in Hawaii, DrudgeReport.com reports there's a new book going to press this week that "may just reveal Obama's 'True' identity."

States the exclusive Drudge flash report: "'When Donald Trump said he sent PIs to Hawaii to get to the bottom of all this, he meant this book,' declares an insider."

"We can now definitively state that the PIs have gotten to the bottom of all this," declares Hooks. "Finally, Mr. Trump will no longer be the butt of Rachel Maddow's jokes on MSNBC."*

Editor's notes: Make sure to follow @Uglytourists on Twitter for an exclusive preview of our forthcoming report: "Bad Puns Made by Canadian Investigative Gear eBay Sellers"

MSNBC is a cable news network who counts among its star people-who-read-the-news, Rachel Maddow. Maddow is considered to be a "a diminutive bundle of instant sexuality" much like 1970s "Three's Company" star, Joyce deWitt.

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