Be a Mentor for Optimism

Jan. 24, 2011 - PRLog -- January is National Mentoring Month.  A key way to find more optimism in your day-to-day life is to serve as a mentor to another.  Acceptance of self and others is the key to change in yourself and to mentoring others to make positive changes in their lives.

The essence of today’s "Be a Mentor Message for Optimism" is contained in the following true story:

A young man went off to college.  It was traditional for nearly all young men at his small college to join a social organization.  He knew that just because he wanted to join a particular social group didn’t mean he would be invited to join.  There was a process that started with open visitation, meeting and greeting, an opportunity to go to all of the member groups to see if a match was possible.

In the second phase, the young men went through a rigorous selection process.  Each morning for four days, the men would receive invitations from one or more of the social organizations.  The most popular men got many invitations.  The less popular got one or none.

He knew that entering into the foray of this type of selection process could play havoc with his ego, building up or deflating self-confidence and self-worth, quickly.  He narrowed his choices to two, but clearly he desired one over the other.  The final day of the selection process came; invitations slipped under the doors of the dorm rooms.  There was only one for him, his second choice.

He was devastated, couldn’t believe it, but it was a fact, he now had only one choice and it was second.  He thought to himself, the first choice was desirable because members of that social organization were thought of as popular, prestigious and “Big Men on Campus.”  The second choice was a friendly and inviting place, but did not have the “big shot" status.  

Nevertheless, he decided to accept the invitation and join with his second choice. But his self-confidence and worth had been shaken.  Unbeknownst to him, he began to wear his disappointment on his sleeve; wasn’t acting like someone who really wanted to be a member.  He was standoffish, even mildly rude at times, certainly not the guy the members thought they were inviting into the group.

One day a senior member of the organization who was responsible for the development and training of the new members sat the young man down for a heart to heart.  This is what he said to him:

   * A number of our members are upset with your obvious negative attitude towards them and the organization.  I know what they are talking about because I rarely see you smile and you don’t seem happy here.  I do not know what is gong on in your mind or what problems you are having, but I can tell you this, I love this organization for all the support and acceptance it has given me.  I have learned much about how to work with and get along with others and would never trade the experience.  I know that you can get this same kind of experience that I have had if you just choose to accept us.

   * I believe, yes I know that you have the potential to be an enthusiastic, active, and valued contributor to this group.  Some in the group do not share my confidence in you, and have even talked of dis-inviting you.  Don’t get me wrong, they really want you to stay, but only if you want and choose to.  I am willing to help you in any way I can.

As the young man listened to the senior advisor and heard of his love and commitment to the organization, acceptance and opportunities to learn and work with others, he thought to himself, “what a fool I have been.”  He realized had been in despair about what he thought he had lost – the status of being a Big Man on Campus.

The senior advisor had shown him what he would gain if he would just allow himself to be accepted.  Here it was, the acceptance he had been seeking all along, and he had been rejecting it.  He apologized to the senior advisor for his bad behavior and error in judgment, promised it would never happen again.  In that moment, he made both a public and private commitment to eliminate his negative attitude and become a loyal, supportive and contributing member to the organization.    

Acceptance allowed him to look within himself and see what he needed to change.  The rejection he thought he had experienced had focused him outward on the shortcomings of everyone else and on his own perceived inadequacy.

The young man, now much older has never forgotten the power that a mentor made in his life in a despairing moment.  He followed in the footsteps of the senior adviser, and several years later became the senior adviser to the new member class.  He found the mentoring, teaching and advising to be such a satisfying experience that he went on to dedicate his life to a career of doing just that for others.

He did realize however, that he could never have helped, mentored, taught or advised anyone unless the senior adviser had made him look inside himself and examine his own negative attitude and behavior first.  Once he focused on himself and made positive changes within, he was able to reach out and help others.

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