Follow on Google News News By Tag * Humor * Humour * Literature * Books * Publishing * Jokes * Best-seller * Business * World * Venice * Venezia * Italy * U S A * More Tags... Industry News News By Location Country(s) Industry News
Follow on Google News | Jokes For Instant HappinessSome jokes are candidates to be "classics" in their genre, having given their listeners instant happiness, through times. Here is a selection of them.
By: Askin Ozcan 1- Mr. B goes to his doctor to have his brain examined. After an encephalography, his doctor tells him: "Mr.B. on the left side of your brain, there is nothing right; and on the right side, there is nothing left!" 2- Nasreddin Hodja is a national humorous figure in the Turkish folklore with many stories. Here is one from him: One day Nasreddin Hodja borrows a saucepan from his neighbor. The following day, he returns it together with a smaller saucepan, as a present. His neighbor is surprised: "What is this Hodja?" he inquires. "Well, your saucepan has given birth to this small one" Nasreddin Hodja explains, smiling. Pleased, the neighbor accepts the gift. Another day, Nasreddin Hodja again borrows a saucepan, from the same neighbor. Days pass and as he doesn't return the saucepan, the neighbor asks one day as to what happened to it. "Well, your saucepan died!" answers Nasreddin Hodja. "How can a saucepan die?" inquires the neighbor worried. "You believe, that it can give birth to another saucepan; why don't you believe that it can die?" answers Nasreddin Hodja. 3- An Iranian and a Turkish archeologist are discussing: "We made some excavations recently and found some wires, together with human bones dating back to two and a half thousand years ago." says the Iranian. "I thing we had telegram in Iran two and a half thousand years ago!" "That's nothing" says the Turk. "We made some excavations last month and found nothing, but only human bones dating back to three and a half thousand years. We must have had wireless three and a half thousand years ago.!" 4- A Californian visiting Texas, points to the grapefruits in an open market and asks the salesman: "is this how big your melons grow here?" "They are not melons" answers the salesman; they are grapes!" 5- An American family visits Moscow, during the communist times and decide to have hamburgers for lunch, at the newly opened American hamburger restaurant. Hamburgers are very tasty and they order a new round. but, this time the family's little son complains that his hamburger is too hard and he can't even bite it. They call the waiter. The waiter examines the hamburger and says regretfully, "Ah, I'll change it! They have forgotten a microphone in it!" 6- Two tomatoes are crossing the road, in the country side. One makes it to the other side, rolling, but the other one gets crushed by a passing car. The first one turns back and says: "C'mon ! Catch-up!" 7- A lawyer dies at his young age of seventy eight. In the heaven, he is met by an angel who welcomes him and informs that a special party has been arranged for him, unlike for all others who come to the heaven. "But, why such a special treatment for me?" the lawyer inquires. "Well, you are a very unique person who lived up to the age of twohundred and fifty. That's why!" answers the angel. "Two hundred and fifty?" the lawyer is surprised. When I had my birthday the other day, before I died, I was seventy eight !" "Let me check, with the head angel on earth." says the angel in the heaven and calls the head-angel on earth: "This lawyer who just arrived here. What is his age? You told me two hundred and fifty, when I asked you before." "Did you ask his age before?" the head angel on earth inquires. "The telephone lines are a bit bad here these days, I thought you asked his wage. He is a lawyer who charged two hundred and fifty for an hour." 8- A five year old girl going home with her twenty six year old mother, on a spring day, sees two dogs on the street, doing what animals do in the spring. "Mummy, mummy!" she asks her mother. "What are the dogs doing?" Little bashful, the young mother doesn't want to tell the truth and says: "I think the one in the back must have broken his leg, and the one in the front is trying to help him and pulling him to his home.!" "Mummy, mummy" comments the little daughter., "life is the same for dogs as it is for the human beings!" "Why do you say that?" asks the mother. "Well, whenever you want to help someone, they always do something dirty behind your back!" 9- Three storks are discussing after the summer, on the top of the church, in a beautiful village, in a Norwegian fjord, just before they start their journey southwards. "Let's relate what we have done during this summer here." one suggests and starts telling: "I brought a very nice daughter, to the village teacher's wife." "I brought very nice twins to the grocer's wife!" boasts the second one. "These are nothing, compared with what I did." says the third one. "What did you do, what did you do?" inquire the other two, impatiently. "I frightened the priest's wife three times!" ----- If you like more humor and laughter, perhaps you can read Askin Ozcan's humorous books: "WISDOM IN SMILE" - ISBN 142577153X (Xlibris) www.xlibris.com/ http://thesop.org/ "THE SECOND VENICE" - ISBN 1598000888 (Outskirts Press) http://www.outskirtspress.com/ http://www.prlog.org/ ---- Both books are available at 200 internet bookshops including www.amazon.com, www.bn.com, www.ibs.it, www.adlibris.com, www.fishpond.com.au, www.infibeam.com, www.flipkart.com ---- Wholesale distribution by : www.ingrambook.com # # # Author. Has six published titles in the U.S.A. Also many articles published internationally. Currently writer/ mentor at www.thesop.org and writes also at www.newsblaze.com, www.theseoultimes.com, www.americanchronicle.com End
|
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Account Phone Number