For Bad Poetry Day (8/18): Meet the Motherlode! "Crazy Robert's Poems and Potential Song Lyrics"
For Bad Poetry Day...Treat yourself to one of the worst selling books on Amazon and help rescue all these great poems from obscurity! Treat yourself to a book called "Crazy Robert's Poems and Potential Song Lyrics" by Robert M. Barrows
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING...YOU'RE THINKING..."
Well, I'm not just any bad poet...my book may be one of the worst selling books on Amazon! Maybe even THE worst selling book! (Although I am sure there are many books that may have sold nothing)...
SO, HOW BAD ARE THE SALES?
I've only sold seven books so far! Seven books...Count 'em...Only seven books...and that's since 2014.
(My income on that is a whopping 35 cents per book. Wow! $2.45! That's more than enough for a pay toilet and even enough for a lottery ticket with money to spare and I guess that $2.45 makes me a professional poet!
And my poetry's not even that bad!
"The book is called "Crazy Robert's Poems and Potential Song Lyrics." It's by Robert Barrows of San Mateo, California (that's me)...and people can download the book on Amazon for a dollar at http://www.amazon.com/
...and it's not even really bad poetry...some of the poems might even be destined to become classics!"
Oh yeah? Which poems are those?
Here are some of the poems that could be destined to become great classics, and here are some brief descriptions of them, including some lines of some of the poetry in them:
1) "RUN FOR OFFICE:" A satire on power, politics, sex, lies, money and greed...all the stuff that politics is made of...
Here are the opening lines:
"Out of work? Need a job? Run For Office!
Big debts? Lots of sex? Run For Office!"
There is also a song version of "Run For Office" that I co-wrote with a musician named Gary Warren of Sacramento, California. The song lyrics are even more biting than the poem. You can hear a free clip of the song version of Run For Office at www.barrows.com/
2) "DEFINITELY SELF SERVE:" "Fill her up, top off her tank, and don't hang around waiting for thanks."
(It's not exactly a poem about a gas station.)
3) "FOOD CHAIN:" "We're all birds of prey and you're just DNA in the food chain."
4) "HEAVEN OR HELL? CHOOSE WELL:"
"I was playing cards with the Devil and God
and surprise, they just upped the ante.
My soul was at stake and they were taking bets on the outcome...
and these guys know when you're bluffing."
5) This poem is actually a great one... (if I do say so myself)... and it has also been published in a few places...it's a poem called
"IT USED TO BE MADE IN AMERICA"
The poem is about the loss of jobs and the consequences of the outsourcing of manufacturing to other countries. It paints a vivid picture of conflicting economic forces, and in addition to reading it in "Crazy Robert's Poems and Potential Song Lyrics," you can also see it online at www.itusedtobemadeinamerica.com and also at www.madeinusa.us.com.
HERE ARE SOME MORE GREAT POEMS FOR THAT DOLLAR:
6) "SALES CALLS"
Every salesperson in the universe will be able to relate to this poem. It's about making sales calls where practically no one ever calls you back.
You can also see a sample of Sales Calls at https://www.prlog.org/
7) And now...for a masterpiece that's sure to become a great song and a great underground video hit perfect for virtual reality glasses...a poem called...
"SHE FUNKS LIKE AN AEROBICS INSTRUCTOR-2-
(You get the picture...read the poem. It's sexy, funny, lewd and crude and it will make a great music video.)
But wait...there's more! Poems you just won't see anywhere else...poems you can only see in "Crazy Robert's Poems and Potential Song Lyrics"...Poems like...
8) "TIME BOMB:" "Let's go to the window and watch him explode"
9) "TOO MANY LAWS IN LEVITICUS:"
It starts off like this...."There's too many laws in Leviticus...Too many laws for me...
And in one of the later verses...
"but not much to repent since they lowered the age of consent"
And there are many more great poems in this book. You can see more about it on Amazon and you can also call the author, Robert Barrows at 650-344-4405.
So, have you figured out what you are going to write about for Bad Poetry Day?
Are you willing to help rescue some of these poems from obscurity?
Go ahead, it's only a dollar, and the poem about the Aerobics Instructor is well worth a buck by itself!
And, if you are a rock star or a music publisher or producer, and you would like to talk about acquiring the rights to some of these poems to turn them into some great song lyrics, please give me a call and let's do some business!
Want to buy the book right now? Go ahead. It's "Crazy Robert's Poems and Potential Song Lyrics" by Robert M. Barrows...the quintessential book you need for celebrating "Bad Poetry Day" on August 18th...and you can even use the poems again on Poet's Day a few days later on August 21st (Who knew?)
For more information, contact Robert Barrows in San Mateo, California at 650-344-4405.
If you would like, I can even recite some of these poems for you over the phone...and Yes, I am definitely available for an interview.
And oh yes, have a Happy Bad Poetry Day, and hopefully I can help make it even happier and funnier with some poems from "Crazy Roberts Poems and Potential Song Lyrics" which you can download for a dollar (please) on Amazon.
For more information, call Robert Barrows at 650-344-4405.