I hate you, mom ! - Nirvanama |

We all hear this line from our children at some point. Most toddlers say it with sheer contempt and forget about it in a few seconds.
 
NEW DELHI - Feb. 26, 2016 - PRLog -- We all hear this line from our children at some point. Most toddlers say it with sheer contempt and forget about it in a few seconds. Teenagers keep meaning it for a long time. While adults harbour lot of childhood issues as being the reason for why they are the way they are.

Whichever stage of mothering you are at, the first time you hear your toddler say “I hate you mom” is so disturbing! I remember the first time my daughter said it to me. It was a state of shock for me. My daughter hates me?? Really? Why? Of course you realize with time that it’s just a few nanoseconds of hate and your toddler gets back to her cuddly cute self soon. They really don’t mean it. They say it out of frustration or when you say no to something she really wants to do.

But what do you do when your children actually grow up to be thankless vengeful adults? It sure is my biggest nightmare and no parents want to live in the shadow of being constantly rejected by their own kids.

I hope it happens to no-one. It can be the harshest life sentence for a mom.

Since I have not been to that stage and am still basking in the cuteness of my toddler, I really don’t have much experience to say much about what to do in such a situation. But there are certain controls you can use while you still have a toddler that will help you avoid the whole situation altogether and if it does happen, you will know how to deal with it.

First and foremost thing to remember as a mom is that

“You are bound to make mistakes!”

I keep emphasizing on the fact that mothering can never be wrong. You need to give it your best shot with the best of intentions. That’s all you need and can do.

Yes, you will screw up some things and will see its ugly consequences, but that’s the whole package of mothering.

I am not advocating being nonchalant or having a I-don’t-care-damn attitude towards your parenting mistakes. All I am saying is to start by accepting the fact that you will make mistakes.

Secondly, if you see the repercussions of some wrong mothering style of yours in your toddler’s behaviour it’s never too late to change the course or style of your mothering.

Mothering mistakes have the advantage that you see immediate consequences and can catch them young. You can change your style while your toddler is still young and prevent permanent damage.

E.g: if you catch yourself being loud and screaming at your toddler more often than required you will notice a timid scared insecure and unconfident little guy in your house in a few months. You can always get help and become more calm and happy to do some damage control immediately. The fun part is that the minute you bring about positive changes in you, your toddler will become the happy confident young guy in no time. Because that’s the best thing about babies- they are not vengeful. They forgive and forget easily and genuinely.

Thirdly, a toddler can never stop loving you. If you are the loud scolding mom or the gentle soft mom, your toddler will love you unconditionally. That’s the purity and love your toddler is born with. They love their moms-no matter what.

So even if you do make some mothering mistakes, they will exhibit themselves in the attitude of your toddler. Not in his love for you!

That makes it easier to reverse your damages while at the toddler stage. There is no regret or vengeance associated with mistakes in most adult relationships.

Identify areas in your attitude that need work on and start working on them immediately.

It will not only make you a better human being. It will also help you shape a better human being out of your toddler! So you are contributing TWO happy sorted out individuals in one shot! How many of us get a chance to do that!

And the most important part (and unfortunately the most difficult part) of mothering is to raise your kids with no expectations.

In India we do have the logic to have kids because they will be there for you in your old age- the “Budape ka sahara” logic. That is so against the whole concept parenting.

Parenting should be sans expectations. Love your kid unconditionally. Raise him without expecting anything in return. Know that your aim is to raise a strong confident individual who is loving and caring. That’s where your job ends really.

That brings me to the part of parenting most parents forget.

It is true that you never stop being a mom. Whether your kid is 3 or 33, you shall always be her mom. And that’s something to cherish.

Yes, you never stop being a mom but you need to know when to stop mothering. You have about 18-20 years to turn that helpless little tiny individual into a happy confident secure and loving adult. After that, you need to stop. You need to let your child go. You need to hand and him over to the world with the hope that you taught him well and you brought him up with love that will help him find his ways in that big bad world out there.

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Lahar Bhatnagar
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