TAMARA GREEN: 3 Action Steps to Stop Arguments
Does Your Love Life End Up In Rounds Of Arguments? Learn How to Put an End to Quarrels?
As a couple’s counselor for over 27 years, Tamara Green, LCSW knows with absolute conviction that an action plan works. Following her plan stops relationship-
Take These 3 Action Steps To Prevent The Next Round Of Arguments: 1. Take full responsibility for your part in the argument.
It’s time to get humble, authentic and honest. Leave your victim-type thoughts and words out of this conversation. Victim consciousness includes blaming, judgments, criticisms, complaints and accusations. This step requires you to own up to your part, not their part, only yours. Make a list of your behaviors and words during the argument that you are not proud of. This takes guts so use your list to create your ‘I’m taking responsibility’
Here’s an example of what you could say to your partner: “Now that things are calm between us, I’d like to take responsibility for my part in our argument. I was blaming you for ___(fill in the blank)___ and that wasn’t helpful or kind. I am sorry for saying what I said. I have decided that I need to work on my habit of blaming. Please forgive me. I don’t want this to ever happen again, so I’m making a commitment to work on changing it.” Extra kudos points if you tell your partner what you are committed to do to make sure you will not do this again: start therapy, take an online course, do a workshop, read a self-help book, take up meditation, etc.
2. Commit to the 90-10% Rule.
Spend 90% of your time and focus looking at your behaviors and emotions versus your partners. Instead of looking at what they need to change, you make a commitment to changing you. Spend 10% of your time focused on the relationship and on your partner. 90% you – 10% your partner. The interesting thing is, the more time you spend loving and honoring you, the more able you are to authentically love your partner. In other words, your partner benefits tremendously when you are taking care of yourself.
By the way, this 90-10% rule also works great in other areas of your life. For example, if you are an entrepreneur, spend 90% of the time working on you and 10% of the time working on your business. The 90-10% is a secret to success and happiness.
3. Make a daily and forever practice of gratitude.
This one tip has saved marriages on the brink of divorce, so this is yet another powerful part of the action plan. What you focus on is what you experience. So please stop focusing on what you don’t like or want anymore. Be in the practice of telling your partner at least 3 things about them that you are grateful for – every single day. Tell them what you admire, what you love about them and what they do that makes you feel happy and special. That way, you’ll get more of what you love about them and less of what you don’t.
Same goes with you. Every day, tell yourself at least 3 things of what you love and admire about yourself. In other words, compliment yourself – a lot!
Tamara is the author of the newly released book: Transform Your Life using the 7 Sacred Flames: Daily Guided Meditations.
Tamara Green, LCSW works with people who are on the path to actualizing profoundly loving relationships and spiritual freedom. Whether single or in a relationship, Tamara’s sessions help clients to find their soul mate, heal their relationship, and tune in and operate from their Divine Self. In laser focused sessions, people experience a deep cellular shift, receive leading edge information and acquire activations for personal and spiritual growth and evolvement. Whether single or in a relationship, Tamara is an expert who gets results on dating, love, marriage and meditation.
Hear Tamara interviewed on the Dare to Dream talk radio program. Listen now: http://deborahdachinger.com/