I Miss My Ex Boyfriend So Much It Hurts -How To Get Him Back And Keep Him

Feb. 9, 2015 - PRLog -- It usually goes like this: We meet a man who seems so promising and full of potential in the beginning that we allow ourselves to get caught up in a whirlwind romance, one that has all the markings of a long term relationship.

He comes on like gangbusters, passionately pursuing and letting us know in a multitude of ways that he's into us. He calls, texts, drops by without prior notice and makes no secret of the fact that he just can't get enough of us.

In the early stages of a relationship like this it's easy to get caught up in the moment. We start thinking ahead, looking at what a future with this person might be like and allowing ourselves to dive in head first.

And then suddenly everything stops.

When this happens it can throw us into a tailspin, wondering what we did or said or didn't do or didn't say. Wondering how things that seemed to be right turned out to be so wrong. We crack our brains trying to remember exactly what the problem is and more importantly how to fix it.

We can feel this man pulling away -- even if he doesn't come out and say it. All the signs are there. The calls slow down, the conversations get shorter, he seems distant or preoccupied, etc. -- until he finally disappear. So what happened? Why did this man who started out pursuing so openly and passionately suddenly just disappear?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-zvq3tWW7U



First let's look at the reasons he did NOT pull away (so we can stop kidding ourselves and get back to the business of salvaging our relationships):

"He's afraid:" This is one of the biggest misconceptions about why men pull away and that is the most dangerous aspect. Why? Because it throws you into convincing behaviors that predictably backfire. They backfire because you're operating under the premise that he's afraid of his feelings, afraid of being hurt. They backfire because in truth it's not his own feelings he's afraid of, it's yours. If anything has him backpedaling at this juncture you can bet that you've not only misread his signals but have responded to important cues by pushing harder (in that subtle, indirect way we women do -- nudging, as I call it), thus pushing him further away. There is such a thing as too much too soon and if there's anything he's afraid of, that's it.

"He's been hurt:" This falls into the "he's afraid" category in terms of defending someone's reason for pulling away. And it makes sense doesn't it? He's been jerked around so badly in his past relationship/s that he's understandably afraid to let it happen again. Right? So why aren't you doing the same? Haven't you been hurt too? Badly But you're not only pulling away; you're scrambling to figure out how to reel him back in. We convince ourselves that someone pulls away because he's "afraid," but this logic doesn't hold up under scrutiny. That's because it isn't based on logic in the first place. Love is not logical. It's not something we choose to take part in or not take part in at will. If we do, wouldn't you just choose right here and now to stop loving him? The man whose own inaction is telling you he's willing to risk losing you?

"No one's ever shown him love like I have:" This is categorically untrue. While there may be something to the "no one has ever loved him like I do" part, it's not the reason he's pulled away. Unless you're willing to look at the shadow side of that statement, in which case you better hope it's untrue. If you've never been on the receiving end of one of those kinds of connections -- where someone moved too fast, came on too strong, or tried too hard -- consider yourself lucky. And if you have, then you know exactly what I'm talking about. It's awkward and uncomfortable. It's usually a giant turn-off. And it replaces feelings of love with feelings of pity, which is one thing you do not want to happen. The minute you start trying to win someone over ,who's already pulling away, you're in danger of pushing them through the point of no return. This kind of behavior isn't flattering. It's smothering.

"He's confused:" This one is probably true. But chances are good that it's not his feelings of love and adoration that have him so perplexed. He's probably wondering how such a fun, playful, lighthearted and carefree connection turned so quickly into a minefield of drama and expectation. If this is the case with you, your best course of action is to A: knock it off, and B: lighten up.

"He's busy:" There's probably a grain of truth in this one too. He may very well be busy. But people do what they want to do. They make time for what's important to them. And they offer reassurances -- pre-emotively -- when time constraints interfere with connections they value. Ask yourself, "would he be too busy for (insert the name of some Hollywood starlet or Victoria Secret model he secretly lusts after)?" The answer -- and you know it -- is no.

He found someone else:" This one is probably the hardest to stomach and yet if it's true, the sad reality is that it didn’t cause him to pull away. His being open to that in the first place is the result of him already having pulled away. This one may also be the hardest one to recover from, but it is doable.

"He's just not into you:" While this may be true now, it wasn't always. He couldn't "pull away" if he wasn't into you in the first place, right? So the question there is what happened? And more importantly, what can you do to turn it around?

First of all chances are good that you were doing way more "pursuing" than you're aware of. And because relationships follow the same laws of physics that everything else does, the only way to restore the equilibrium is through balancing it back . You have to know what you're doing wrong in order to right those behaviors and hopefully get things back on track.

Women are lot more indirect than men and a lot more in denial about what exactly constitutes "pursuit." But that doesn't mean we're not doing it. And it doesn't mean the men in our lives can't see right through it.

Before you say (as many of my clients have said before): "But I don't want to play games!" Consider this: This isn't about playing games. This is the absence of games. All of the above -- all of the nudging and hinting and explaining and reassuring and reacting and trying to elicit reactions in someone who's already showing signs of withdrawal -- those are games.

When you are out and you know your ex is around try a little flirting with the other guys. You are not trying to pick them up, you are just creating some jealousy in your ex so be careful. You want him to see you having fun and feel like he is missing out on something; again you are creating a little jealousy.


Your ex will leave you for good unless you begin to apply these psychological effective strategies from a relationship coach to help fix Breakups and get your ex back. Get the complete guide via this website: http://www.carolinasecretary.com/ex-back/get-ex-boyfriend... on Mending Broken Relationships