Has a Lack of Civility Piqued your Pessimism?

April 26, 2011 - PRLog -- By Dr. Russ

A lack of civility in American culture is finally being recognized as a problem worthy of national discourse.

According to USA Today, George Mason University is now offering a course entitled “Professionalism and Civility.”  The article by Mary Beth Marklein cites some major breaches of civility on college campuses including recent accusations of a sexually hostile environment at Yale University; a bar incident at a University of Wisconsin System campus that led to the death of a student; a YouTube video by UCLA student that targeted Asians for annoying cell-phone use.

In addition to George Mason, other Universities around the country are speaking and trying to do something about the issue. The University of Nevada-Las Vegas has approved an official civility policy in a “Statement of Civility” that promotes the following:

   * Embrace and accept the articulation of unpopular and unsettling ideas
   * Rights, safety, dignity, and value of every individual

Rutgers has plans for a two year initiative called “Project Civility” that seems even more urgent now since a student jumped to his death from the George Washington bridge in NYC, the apparent victim of uncivil behavior.

But, what does the word “civility” mean?  In 2007, California Sate University was told by a federal court that it could not require students “be civil to each other” because the language was too vague.  Technically, the word “civility” means courtesy and politeness.  USA Today characterizes the current ‘civility’ movement as encouraging "respect and tolerance."

In my opinion, courtesy and politeness are observable behaviors exhibited by persons that might not reflect their internal state or attitude.  Respect and tolerance are internal mental-states-of-mind.  For example, one might be polite and courteous to someone with pink hair in a public setting while feeling hatred and intolerance as an inner state.  In this case the internal mental state is likely to need a little adjustment for civility to prevail in the long run.

It is a shame that we have to have such tragic events serve as the call to action to correct the deterioration in civility in this country over the last decade and quarter century. How can we get some of this “civility” back?

I believe civility, like optimism, is best learned on the little, everyday and common encounters of daily living.  Here are a few suggestions.
Ten Tips to Practice Civility

  1. Civility requires taking the perspective of others and being aware of how your behavior impacts them in a positive or negative way.
  2. Civility requires that you value treating others with tolerance and respect.
  3. Do open or hold the door for the person you are with, regardless of gender.
  4. Let the other person go ahead in line or in traffic.  Give a thank-you wave that can be seen through the rear window when this courtesy is done for you.
  5. Make sure your children shake hands with every member of the opposing team after any athletic competition.  Better yet, start a tradition of shaking hands before the match.
  6. Playing video games is isolating and all about the "me" in us.  They teach nothing about taking the perspective of another.
  7. In order to learn and practice skills of civility, people need to learn to interact face-to-face.  The hour or longer family car ride used to give children a chance to learn to play some car games, take turns, and be polite in conversation.  With the advent of the MP3 player and the in-car VCR everyone can isolate into their own thing and never learn about civility.
  8. Civility means tuning into and interacting with the person you are with instead of texting or emailing to those you are not with who are outside the face-to-face interpersonal space.
  9. Civility requires putting another’s needs ahead of your own.
 10. Perhaps I am the last of the living dinosaurs that learned it was proper to ask a girl to dance by bowing, as she sat, and asking: “Madam, may I please have the honor of this dance with you?” In the late 1960’s, we threw out all these formal social customs.  Perhaps we need them to teach a little civility.  What do you think?

Imagine a society in which kind and courteous behavior got more media attention than outrageous, rude and in-your-face behavior.  Hmm.  Is that a dream or is it optimism?

http://www.drrussbuss.com/optimism-blog/2011/4/26/has-a-l...

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