 Mishaps and Mistakes of a Marriage Gone AwryBitterness, selfishness, and contraception woes rocked this marriage before the husband came home from the Navy and he looked into becoming a Catholic. Jerry and Mary Lenaburg are from Fairfax, VA.
Mary - I grew up in a large Irish/German Catholic family. My parents did not contracept or use NFP; they were completely open to God’s timetable. Contraception was not something I knew about until my mid-teens when I was placed on the Pill to regulate my erratic periods. Jerry - I grew up in a fairly traditional Lutheran home. I never really thought much about topics such as family planning, fertility or contraception, until I got married and we started our life together in the Navy. No Hang-Ups With the Pill Mary - When Jerry and I married, I was still on the Pill. Our pre-Cana counseling consisted of two hours hanging out with the priest who would marry us. NFP was never mentioned. Since Jerry wasn’t Catholic and had no hang-ups regarding the Pill, I didn’t want to rock the boat, so we just got married. Mary - Six months into our marriage I decided it was time for me to get off the Pill. I was not a fan of the side effects and, since I was married, pregnancy wasn’t an issue. One month later we were expecting our first son. I had an extremely difficult pregnancy, and after a horrific labor and delivery I knew I wanted to wait before we tried for another child. Jerry - I was concerned about another pregnancy too soon for Mary, so we turned a blind eye and she once again went back on the Pill. God was nowhere in our family planning decision. We were only concerned about what was convenient for us. Tossed the Gift of Fertility Away Mary - Two years later I went through another difficult pregnancy with our daughter, but I didn’t want to go back on the Pill because of the side effects. Jerry was not open to getting a vasectomy, so I decided I would get my tubes tied. I felt this was the best option and the side effects would be minimal. Again, we didn’t consider the bigger picture, just what we wanted. I was only 25 years old, and we tossed the gift of our fertility away. Jerry - As for me, I had watched Mary go through much suffering with her pregnancies, and I figured we would just have what I considered a normal medical procedure and get on with our lives. I had no idea how this one act would affect our marriage for the next seven years. It was disastrous. Mary - Five weeks after our daughter was born she had her first seizure. We were overwhelmed in a matter of days by this medical trial, and I remember thinking God was punishing us for the choice to end my fertility. For many years I carried the guilt and shame of that choice. Our intimate life spiraled out of control. We became vulnerable to outside influences. My husband developed an addiction to pornography and our marriage suffered greatly. I felt unwanted and unloved. He felt I would never forgive him. We were both hurt and confused and were taking it out on each other. Jerry - We had a very difficult time during this period and I basically used my wife for sex and she went along out of fear that I might not love her any more. I was also deployed a great deal and our time away from each other did not make our situation any better. But God is a loving God and does not ever abandon us in our time of need. Things began to change when I got out of the Navy in 1998 and we settled in Fairfax, VA. We found a wonderful parish and I decided to enroll in RCIA, finally entering the Catholic Church at Easter 1999. During that time I realized that something in our marriage needed to be made whole again. I wasn’t sure how this was going to happen, but I had faith that God would see us through. We loved each other, and even though our mistakes were grave ones, we were committed to one another and our marriage. (To be continued.) * * * Jerry and Mary Lenaburg share this witness talk when they teach Natural Family Planning. They were recently certified by the Couple to Couple League (CCL), the leading organization providing Natural Family Planning (NFP) instruction in the United States. This article appeared in the March/April 2011 issue of CCL’s Family Foundations. Natural Family Planning Classes Taught Classes in Natural Family Planning sponsored by the Couple to Couple League (CCL) are taught in 17 locations in the Chicago metro area, including southeast Wisconsin and northwest Indiana. Each series is taught in three classes. The beginning dates are below. Go to our map page. >> Sun., May 1st, 2011 at 1:30 p.m. at Resurrection Medical Center, 7435 West Talcott Ave., Chicago IL. Classes will be taught by Dave and Mona Cattapan. >> Sun., June 12, 2011 at 1:30 p.m. at Holy Family Hall, Holy Trinity Catholic Church 111 S. Cass Ave., Westmont IL. Classes will be taught by Christopher and Debbie Lillig. >> Sun., July 24th, 2011 at 1:30 p.m. at Resurrection Medical Center, 7435 West Talcott Ave., Chicago IL. Classes will be taught by Dave and Mona Cattapan. To register, and for a list of classes throughout the U.S., go to CCL International at http://www.ccli.org, (800) 745-8252. Chicago area NFP information is at http://www.naturalfamilyplanningchicago.com. The method taught is the Sympto-Thermal Method, which is also taught via CylePRO software. Sign up for a membership with the Couple to Couple League International at www.ccli.org, and receive “Family Foundations.” # # # The Couple to Couple League (CCL) is an international, Catholic, non-profit organization dedicated to teaching Natural Family Planning (NFP) to married and engaged couples. This news article is sponsored by the Chicago chapter of CCL International. End
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