OneCent.US URL Shortener Stupid Question Might Save FBI $200 Million a Year?

Oct. 8, 2010 - PRLog -- "On September 30, 2010, a total of 35,241 people worked for the FBI, including 13,853 special agents and 21,388 professional staff. Among our employees are 15,308 women, 8,553 minorities, and 1,262 persons with disabilities."
source: www.fbi.gov/about-us/faqs/faqs

The fresh memory in his mind of a half hour phone conversation with a field agent in the NYC office of the FBI regarding a possible Internet Crime issue, patriotic themed, red, white and blue URL Shortener OneCent.US owner Bill Purkins, a 29 year computer veteran and process evaluation expert, which is a fancy term for "I figure out how people can save both time and money in their business workflow and achieve better results at the same time. They used to call it being an 'efficiency expert.'"

"I dislike the term expert, it smacks of buzzwords and charging more for having a nice briefcase. My briefcase is rich maroon leather, but it also was the the first thing my then 3 year old grandson ever took an indelible magic marker to. It's got character now. If he ever becomes a famous artist I figure I can retire early. But he better hurry. He's 8 now and I'm 55," Purkins, an ex standup comic also, explained.

"Anyway, the agent kept apologizing because her computer was so slow as she surfed through the web sites I guided her to as examples for what we were discussing."

"So, like any good consultant, I started asking stupid questions.. That;s really what we get paid for if we're any good. I like to ask several  stupid questions on every item. Like Who, What, When, Why, Where and How. I'm a half baked journalist as well, and I write a lot of press releases that put people on page one of the search engines, kinda like this one, generally  a bit Gonzo, so I may have taken a few liberties with the conversation as I remember it. I plead forgetfulness, okay? I'm sure the call was taped anyway. And I don't even know here name, that's not given, so no biggie. What do they put on their business cards I wonder?"

"I miss dear Hunter Thompson. I wrote him in in November '84 when Reagan was getting reelected. I'd had a few beers if I recall. I wonder if he got any other votes. I brought my own pencil, too. I'd read that somewhere."

"Anyway, I'm pretty conservative these days, at least fiscally, and I'd like to see the government save some money wherever they can, I mean it is my money you know. And yours too. Our money."

"So, I asked how come the machine is slow? And she said something to the effect of that it may have been first owned by Bill Gates' Grandfather.

"Ah, I thought. Thrifty is our FBI... they're saving my money I see. Good. Then I ask, what browser? And she fessed up to Internet Explorer, and I thought, aha... now we have a possible finger on Grandaddy Gates for real! This was getting to be fun. I felt like a real sleuth suddenly. Then I said. Internet Explorer is a very big program. 650K. Download Google Chrome. It's tiny and it's fast. Bet IE took 30 seconds to come up? She said, more like 45. I said. Go download Google Chrome right now. It runs like it's carrying a TV set during the '66 blackout... which may have escaped her, as she likely wasn't even born yet. Now I felt old."

She said, "I'm not allowed to download anything at work, so I said, well, try it at home, and if I'm right, tell your boss, or supervisor, or whatever you call him.

"Her."

"Oops. Sorry."

"No problema. Happens all the time."

So we parted ways, she thanked me, I thanked her, I asked if they would call me back.

"Maybe. Tomorrow."

Maybe she lost my number. Anyway, I found out I could handle the problem myself, so I put down my Don Quixote windmill fighting light sabre and before I moved on to the next newer and fresher disaster in the life of a free URL shortener service operator trying to monetize his site, I got curious and fired up Google Chrome, which took but a second of course, and asked the next stupid question, "How many people work for the FBI?"

I  saw www.fbi.gov/about-us/faqs/faqs. Bingo.

"On September 30, 2010, a total of 35,241 people worked for the FBI, including 13,853 special agents and 21,388 professional staff. Among our employees are 15,308 women, 8,553 minorities, and 1,262 persons with disabilities."

Wow. No rounding off even. I wonder if they counted twice. I bet they did. So I figured if they work 8 hours a day 40 hours a week, get 2 weeks vacation a year, that's 352,410,000 hours a year. That's like a lot. 352 million. That's like an hour for each American. Census figured 307,006,550 in Jul 2009. I think they might have rounded off some, though.

So now I figure, wow. I just used a whole half of my FBI agent hour for the year in one shot. And what did I get? Not even a name. And she sounded hot, too. Too young for me though. Maybe her Mom's single though? Daydreams of marrying into an FBI family turned to getting perks like those car windshield badge stickers and never get a parking ticket again. Then again, in NY it might get your window broken too. The bubble burst when I remembered that I'm broke these days and am trying to save up for a car. it's a long story. I try to pooh pooh it away with, "It's been a tough millennium so far, " but people know something's been up the last few years, but now, I have an excuse. Yeah I'm still doing the computer thing but I work for myself. As a matter of fact I was just on the phone with the FBI. Can't talk about it of course. That shuts 'em up."

Back to my stupid question. Suppose they spend 10% of their time on the Internet? Bet it's more, but like I said, I'll be conservative for a while. They get 6 years, then? Someone else's turn if I'm still broke. Hell, I'll be 61. Almost retired. Better remember to vote this year.

10% would be 35,241,000 hours. Wow. Google Chrome is at least three times as fast as Internet Explorer., at least on my machine. Sorry, Gramps. That would be a savings of 23,259,060 hours. So, I asked another stupid question, how much money does an FBI agent make a year.

I love stupid questions. So many people ask them before me that I almost always get an answer. $85,000 a year. Now, I'm not an FBI agent so I don't have to double check my source, so I took the first answer.

So, bottom line, the FBI could save 2/3 of $8,500, or $5,610 an agent, or? $197,702,010 a year! Just by switching to Google Chrome.

Now, I know they're a big outfit, but who couldn't use a cool $200 million almost?

Ask a stupid question?

Can someone out there and give them my stupid answer? I'm afraid that if I call them back to to them the good news they might recognize the phone number and not wanna talk to me maybe. Better it came from a law enforcement guy or lady or somethin'. But if they take you up on it? Tell 'em Bill Purkins sent you.

XXX

in the Civil War press releases were sent via telegraph and reporters used Roman Numerals "XXX" to signify "The End. Telepgraphs gave way to adding machines, and the norm became decimal

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About http://OneCent.US owner Bill Purkins. Mr. Purkins runs a number if web sites, none of which have made a dime yet, but things are looking up, as his URL Shortener, OneCent.US is in the top 1% of most visited websites in the world, just 8 weeks after it's July 4th, 2010 patriotic launching. The free site donates 90% of its advertising revenue to charity and is currently seeking capital venture offers.