Elizabeth Edwards: Transforming Lives Without EgoDr. Russ Buss draws on the eulogizing of Elizabeth Edwards to illustrate that to live with an optimistic spirit requires transformational change without reliance on ego. Ego promotes the pessimistic perspective of self-protection and aggrandizement.
By: Dr. Russ Buss Are you seeking transformational change that involves embarking on a new direction in life, not unlike the Pilgrims of 1620? Or, are you looking to make incremental change in order to get a little more comfortable and be less anxious in your current box of life? Transformational change requires at least a larger or smaller box, preferably a new shape like an octagon or pentagon, but most dramatically climbing out of the box all together. Scary? Just as the Pilgrims embarked on a journey across uncharted waters and came to an unexplored land, so does transformational change occur by taking the risk of stepping out of your comfort zone and reinventing yourself not only now in this moment, but in a multitude of moments over a lifetime. Transformational change is akin to the continuing reshaping of rocks and beaches pounded by the waves of the sea or the multi-lifetime sculpting of Crazy Horse on Mt. Rushmore in South Dakota. It occurs daily as we travel the road that is one continuous learning curve. Transformational Change and the Ego Making transformational change requires a number of steps. Among the first is learning to live WITHOUT EGO. Ego is that self aggrandizing perception that what is most important is making sure attention is on you, your accomplishments, your positions held, your track record of success, and your status above others. Such a self-focus can occur for a long time or for brief intermittent moments. Even a few moments of such a self focus can create problems for us. When the EGO takes on such self-importance, it then requires protection. The protected ego is a defensive ego that does not want to change except if it can get a just little more comfort. Such an ego protection stance leads to the avoidance of risk taking and to a kind of over-protectiveness that strives to continually “look good” and avoid any perception of incompetence. Life becomes stagnant except for an occasional “fluffing of the pillows” in the box. The first step in making transformational change is to recognize the reasons ego-enhancement is problematic for finding optimism. Today’ Tips to Identify the Problem with Ego and Transformational Change 1. Ego-enhancement draws attention and energy to us and drains others of theirs. As Elizabeth Edwards lay awaiting her final breath on earth she was more concerned with the feelings of her children and others surrounding her and reassured them with a steady mantra of “I’m OK; “I’m OK.” Her selfless, egoless acts and words empowered those around her carry on with vim and vigor after her death. 2. Ego-enhancement leads to pretentiousness, a belief that what we say and do is more important than that of others. Elizabeth Edwards was eulogized as having led a life without pretense. Pretense is like the mirror on the wall to which we say, “Am I the greatest of them all?” It keeps us focused back on us while driving others away. Loneliness and lack of needed social supports are the result. 3. Ego-enhancement hides the lighthouse beam in a shroud of fog making us unable to keep from running aground. Elizabeth Edwards, who led without EGO, provided a lighthouse like beam that was and continues to be a point of guidance for all who feel lost. 4. Elizabeth Edwards checked any sense of ego at the door and spoke her mind without fear of rejection. No one had to fear what Elizabeth was thinking. She let them know in a straightforward and gentle fashion. 5. Ego-enhancement drives us to want to promote our own name and reputation. A desire to protect the name and reputation can override the drive to find ways to enhance the welfare of others. Because Elizabeth Edwards shunned attention on her own ego and pointed attention towards the needs of cancer patients and others in need of help she was able to rally resources of thousands of others to help make her crusades successful. To learn more about to live life with optimism in every moment go to the Moment-to-Moment Optimism blog at http://www.drrussbuss.com # # # About Moment-to-Moment: End
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