What! My ex husband is a psychopath?

Oct. 10, 2009 - PRLog -- Now, you’ve got to admit that is a catchy phrase! You may meet or come across a social psychopath every week and won’t even know it. They are not mad, and they are certainly not all killers!  They come across as ordinary people and may even be attractive and charming.

Psychopaths are social predators that are very good at manipulating, targeting nice, honest people because they are not suspicious by nature. That old saying is so very true! If something seems too good to be true, it probably is.  

They target their victim’s weak points. They look for things like loneliness or low self-esteem or a need to nurture in their victim’s. Even if you are easily flattered, you are a target. If he is overly flattering, be suspicious!

I know, you are probably wandering what authority do I have on the subject? To be truthful, I have none except for a craving to understand why people act a certain way and why I fell in the trap. That is right! You guessed it. I was in a relationship for a few years with a man with psychopathic tendencies. I walked away with a broken heart, a beautiful daughter I am very grateful for and a huge dent in my pocket. I am still paying off some of the debt. The only problem is that I am not sure if he is a social psychopath or if he has attachment disorder. The signs and symptoms are very similar. A psychopath does not experience fear, anxiety, sweating or heartbeats like we do. My ex does.

A psychopath has no conscience and feels no remorse. When they get caught out, they simply move on without a care for the chaos and tears they leave behind.

So how do you spot a psychopath, you may ask? There are a few things that may be warning signs. For instance, does he have a string of broken relationships, and the other party was always to blame? Or does he have children from previous relationships he does not have contact with? Another sign is cruelty to animals? Maybe he brags about himself a lot, his achievements, or his looks. Now you have got to be care-full here. There is nothing wrong with high self-esteem or maybe he is just trying to cover his low self-esteem. You have to take things in context.

Here is a questionnaire I found on the internet. It is based on research and experiences with social psychopaths.

1. Do they have problems sustaining stable relationships, personally and in           business?
2. Do they frequently manipulate others to achieve selfish goals, with no consideration of the effects on those manipulated?
3. Are they cavalier about the truth, and capable of telling lies to your face?  
4. Do they have an air of self-importance, regardless of their true standing in society?
5. Have they no apparent sense of remorse, shame or guilt?
6. Is their charm superficial, and capable of being switched on to suit immediate ends?  
7. Are they easily bored and demand constant stimulation?
8. Are their displays of human emotion unconvincing?
9. Do they enjoy taking risks, and acting on reckless impulse?
10, Are they quick to blame others for their mistakes?
11. As teenagers, did they resent authority, play truant and/or steal?
12. Do they have no qualms about sponging off others?
13. Are they quick to lose their temper?
14. Are they sexually promiscuous?
15. Do they have a belligerent, bullying manner?
16. Are they unrealistic about their long-term aims?
17. Do they lack any ability to empathize with others?
18. Would you regard them as essentially irresponsible?  

Dr. Martha Stout suggests using the Rule of Threes: one broken promise, lie, or neglected responsibility could be a misunderstanding and two a mistake, but three means that the individual is not guided by conscience. After three strikes, it’s best to cut your losses. A psychopath will possibly play on your emotional sympathies or obligations, and you need to stay strong.

A psychopath is likely to blame you for his bad behavior. Don’t feel bad, it is not your fault you’ve been lied to, cheated on, beaten or he squandered your money! A lot of intelligent people have been taken in by psychopaths so don’t feel alone! He may promise to change, and maybe he does for a short while, but it is just to lull you into a false sense of trust before he acts up again.

So how do you protect yourself from becoming a victim? Get to know yourself, especially your weak points. Improve your self-esteem. A great way to do this is through hypnosis or self-hypnosis. Learn from your mistakes. Use a bad experience as a leaning experience.

When it is your family member that has psychopathic tendencies, it is even more difficult. You can’t just turn your back and walk away. Use all the resources available. Intervention at a young age is better. But do not expect dramatic changes, as it may lead to disappointment.

A great site to find free articles and resources is www.suit101.com.

If you need more information on hypnosis or self hypnosis for building self-esteem you are more than welcome to contact me by reply e-mail at adminstress@gmail.com

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