Can you remember being told not to lie as a child but then getting into trouble for telling the truth? We are told absolutely to tell the truth then friends ask us questions where a truthful answer would hurt so we soften our reply with a white lie. The reality is inflexible rules don’t work and our whole society is built on inflexible, absolute commandments. Absolutes are the shoulds and musts of black and white thinking. All or nothing or, black and white thinking tells us homosexuality is an abomination and sinners burn for all eternity. In the real world people do fall out of love, do bend the truth, have different sexual preferences and we do send soldiers to war to kill other people. Saying absolutely that you are not allowed to do so is unrealistic and a cause for mental anguish that can sometimes turn into illness and much of which is avoidable. What we need is a new realistic philosophy that matches our real world but is still ethical. I call this the Cirf. The Cirf is a world philosophy that solves the failure of absolute belief systems with the solution of ethical preferences in a consequence framework.
The solution is based on the lessons of therapy and the world of ideas. Consequence frameworks that use preferences don’t make unrealistic demands on our humanness. For example we say we should lose weight by exercising then when we slip back into our old habits we beat ourselves up and often stress eat or drink making things worse. But preferences allow us to be human and work towards realistic goals, even weight goals without stressing ourselves. Absolutes stress us out because they often make impossible demands however thinking in preferences automatically reduces our stress.
In the Cirf belief system we believe ideas are powerful in themselves and can be fitted into a philosophical framework. Most of the ideas come from Cognitive Therapy with one exception. Therapy teaches rationality, the Cirf is a consequence framework, which is both rational and irrational. It uses a consequence framework to help us make preferred choices, monitor and measure our progress as human beings. Some of those choices are rational but others are not. Choices of the heart are often irrational, rationality will often deny heart choices but the Cirf embraces all as a rainbow of choices that we select from based on consequence.
The key idea is that how we think, is how we feel and how we feel is what we do. There are insights based on this key idea- most importantly we can learn to change problem thoughts and we do this through thinking fixes, visualization and other brain strategies.
Consequence frameworks have an inherent danger of allowing unethical behaviour on the basis of the consequence justifying the means. The Cirf overcomes this with the use of the ethical guides of Love and Honesty. This is love of the world, others and ourselves where we care and respect based on consequence. It is also the honesty in our words and actions based on consequence. It is a love that gives us permission to fight to defend ourselves and an honesty that allows diplomacy with our friends. Ethical choices designed to help us survive and prosper.
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Calm Confident Me uses a practical, easy to understand approach to self-understanding and self-control based on a practical philosophy. Once you know in everyday terms what it is you are doing to stress yourself out and simple ways to manage your stress reactions you can relax more and get on with enjoying your life. Try it out with a money back guarantee in the privacy of your own home; Calm Confident Me teaches stress management techniques (https://www.calmconfidentme.com/
CalmConfidentMe is an online business selling a digital self-education stress management program based on a consequence philosophy. We believe that clients can live better through a neuroscience approach to skills training.
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