The world’s holy books are pretty epic texts, everyone would agree. But would they get published by a modern day publishing house? Almost certainly not! The truth is our holy books are in the literary underclass with their contradictions, muddy imagery and downright sinful syntax. Our gods made a lot of mistakes, but they're only human, and writing is really hard.
Brendan Brown, founder of Global English Editing, says that professional editing is required for any book, especially Divine ones. “Being the literal word of God, no mortal has ever attempted to edit them for language, expression, consistency, chronological order or general readability. We think it’s about time our deities consulted a book editor.”
The Bible, of course, is an obvious candidate. With an untold number of authors writing in different time periods and no professional editing, the final product is as easy to understand as an intoxicated Scotsman. “The text is littered with poorly developed characters, confusing plot tangents and grammar that can only be described as downright blasphemous”
Brendan believes that the Bible has a couple of content issues that need ironing out. “One is that God created plants on the third day and the sun on the fourth; a rather odd chain of events when you consider the photosynthetic effect. Global English Editing, however, would pick up this scientific faux paus within the editing process. The whole killing of homosexuals is also far too politically incorrect to escape our editors giant red pen.”
The editing company also encourages Allah to make use of their free book editing services. According to Brendan, a book editor would highlight, and suggest changes, to the inconsistencies in the Koran’s plot development. “For example, there’s absolutely no reason why a Jew should be your friend at the start of the book and morph into a mortal enemy by the end, for no apparent reason.”
“Some consider the Bible and Koran to be two of the most beautiful books ever written. How else could medieval books maintain such a fanatical following, two millennia after publication?
“The challenge for a book editing service would be to maintain their beauty but make them accessible for a modern audience. Global English Editing is up for the challenge. We encourage any deity, even the near extinct ones (deities don’t die, they just decline in popularity, much like U2), to contact us and receive their free book editing”, says Brendan. “Even gods love a bargain!”
Global English Editing
Global English Editing