Dolphin Liberation Army launches subtle attacks on Wellington Press

March 20, 2010 - PRLog -- In a bold move to prevent news of its activities being reported The Dolphin Liberation Army has made efforts to silence detractors by attacking members of the press. These attacks were not violent in nature but were more subtle

They were carried out by sneaking into the homes of NZPA staff and changing the alarm times on their cell phones. It is reported that many NZPA staff members were late to work Sunday morning.

It is well known that these subtle and seemingly innocent disruptions in the daily lives of individuals have a much more profound effect than one would assume. These guerrilla  warfare torture tactics,  much like waterboarding and electric shocks, have been used with increased frequency  as of late. It is unknown how the dolphins have managed to cope with their lack of dry land mobility or opposable thumbs but there are theories that they have developed robotic mech technology.

Scientists at the New Zealand Aviary Defense Counsel have also theorized that tiny starlings once trained to attack dolphins by kamikaze dive bombing and plugging their blow holes have been somehow turned and are now working with the DLA. Details or specifics of how or why they were "converted" were not given.

Inquiries made to DLA offices were not answered.