DELRAY BEACH, Fla.
Coach Howard & Beverlee Schnellenberger Share Tips for Families of Addicts
- May 30, 2018
-- Beverlee and Coach Howard Schnellenberger, residents of Boynton Beach, co-founders of the Schnellenberger Family Foundation
and parents to two sons who faced addiction and recovered, know firsthand what it takes to survive with a loved one suffering with addiction. They are also fully aware that a supportive network is essential to long term recovery for the addict and family. Beverlee and Howard, with support of their son Tim Schnellenberger, founder of Healing Properties and Recovery Boot Camp
in Delray Beach, put together tips for families of those struggling with alcohol, drug addiction.
"Addiction is a family disease and we know that firsthand," said Howard Schnellenberger. "We hope our lessons learned combined with the knowledge we have been afforded over the last few decades can benefit other families with a loved one suffering from the disease of addiction."
About The Schnellenberger Family Foundation
- An addict's chances at long term recovery are proportional to the family's investment in their own mental healing. The chance for recovery for the drug addict increases as more family members accept that they have become ill by association. Addiction is a family disease and it is just as important that the parents are engaging in therapy, support groups, etc. Find a local Al-Anon network here.
- Accept that there will be conflict during the process. Remember that even after starting the process of healing, there is still ignorance on both sides (family and addict). The addict doesn't understand the family, their emotions, needs, pain; and similarly, the family doesn't understand the addict and his/her inner struggles. There will always be tension, conflict and pain; but, tension/conflict leads to change.
- Know the difference between enabling and loving. For us, we enabled our boys too long. We wanted them to get better and would do anything to assist in their recovery; we didn't realize that we had crossed the line of loving them into enabling. Examples of enabling: Giving money, paying for car or phone, providing a place to live, bailing them out of jail.
- Understand that it's neither your fault nor the addict's fault that he/she is addicted to drugs/alcohol. (However, it is the addict's obligation to recover.) Keep in mind the importance of the family accepting the three Cs: "I did not cause it," "I cannot control it," "I cannot cure it."
- Forgiveness is tough. For us, we learned quickly that forgiving our sons would require strong boundaries; and just as importantly, forgiveness of ourselves required the deconstruction of shame. This included telling ourselves regularly: "I am a good parent," "I am not to blame," and accepting the three C's.
Launched in January of 2018, the foundation financially and emotionally provides for the families of those individuals in drug/alcohol treatment. Its mission is to support the needs of the addict's family via the Family Weekend Retreat, Basic Training: Family Edition Webinar, and Family Weekend Summit.
Learn more at https://www.schnellenbergerfamily.foundation