Motivation Monday © for May 6, 2013~ What Motivates "Bullies?"

Motivation Monday © ~ What motivates "bullies?" In theory, I state that "bullies" are born from insecurity and fear. However, if an adult is being the "bully" with High School girls, is she a "bully," mentally and emotionally unstable or Sociopath?
 
 
Motivate America's Motivation Monday
Motivate America's Motivation Monday
SMITHTOWN, N.Y. - May 6, 2013 - PRLog -- What “Motivates” people to be who they are and how they act?
What “Motivates” bullies?

In my book, “Who Are You?” I address Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, which is one of the foundational studies on human behavior and motivation. Check out "Bullying in America" video:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdf1YdsjAVU&feature=share&list=PL8FA09264C26C7C76

One of my favorite sayings is, “theory is great, yet in application,” which means that theories are great, except when you apply the theory.  Sometimes the theory just doesn’t work in application, in real life scenarios.

Today, I am addressing “bullying” again, because, well, it has hit home and now is the time to see whether “theories” work in reality…in practice…in application.

Our little girl is one of those girls that everyone loves.  She has always been popular and happy and has stayed out of conflict for the most part, because she has chosen to be friends with everyone and would not allow people to make her “take sides.” A word that can be used is “sparkly!”  She has always been “sparkly!”

Early in the school year, she tried out for Cheerleading. Initially, her name was left off a list, but within hours the coach called and apologized for missing her name on the team list.  Not only did she make the team, but she was named Captain of the Freshman team.  The coaches described her leadership skills and her ability to work with all the various groups of girls and make friends with all of them as one of the reasons they chose to make her Captain.

Little did we know, there is where the drama would begin.  Little did we know, that one little girl who our daughter had befriended was told by her older brother that she was going to be named Captain, which was purely gossip and heresay.  That didn’t happen and the antagonism began.

It’s funny how these things work, because, this little girl and her family have a history of abuse and “bullying,” but nobody said anything.  As she crept into our lives and our home, we had no idea the level of evil and deceit we would experience.

Once again, theory is great, yet in application.  As adults, we understand what a “bully” is and we know that kids can be mean, but “in application” nothing can prepare you to deal with not only a single “bully,” but an entire family of “bullies” that are just mean spirited and evil.

In my book, “Who Are You?” I also discuss that ancient argument of “Nature vs. Nurture.” Which one is more of an influence on human beings and who they become?  Is it their “nature” and their genetic code and the characteristics that are passed to them genetically or “nurture,” which is how they are brought up or raised.  In my book and in most cases, I typically say that it is a mixture of both.

I do not believe that “bullies” exist in nature, but rather “Darwinism,” the strong survive.  As in “Darwinism” and “Maslow’s Hierarchy” there is an animal instinct of all animal species, which humans are one, that “alpha” males / females assert themselves to lead.  If you watch young male species of almost any kind, including teenage boys, there is a need by most to be physical.  To “rough house” or test each other to determine who is the “alpha” amongst them and their “pecking order” within their group or “clique.” The challenge here with humans is “deceit” and manipulation.  There are those that are just evil and mean spirited and I am not sure if that happens in nature or in the natural world, that species become evil and mean spirited.  Whereas, it seems too common in the human species.

Over the past several months we have watched the “sparkle” disappear from our girl to the joy of this little monster and her family.

You see, here is the challenge.  What “motivates” a “bully” and if you are now dealing with a mother that is the actual “bully” that is manipulating her children to “bully” and antagonize other children, what do you do?

As adults, we are supposed to work together to help our children deal with difficult circumstances and help them manage challenges.  However, because the other parent isn’t actually touching your child, but rather is “coaching” her daughter how to manipulate other little girls and how to manipulate situations in order to be mean spirited, what is the answer then?

Once again, in “theory,” you think that adults should be on the same team and work together to protect our children from harm, both physical and emotional.  However, when you are dealing with an adult that is unstable and is the actual “bully,” what do you do then?  Most children just want to please their parents and do as they are told and over time they will believe what they are told is the “right” thing to do.

Hence why you have children delivering drugs in the inner cities.  Over time, they do not distinguish that the drug culture and the entire environment is wrong, they only see how they and their family and the people around them have existed in that environment and will believe what their parents and adults have told them.

In this case, when you have a mother that is mentally and emotionally unstable coaching, controlling and manipulating her children, as well as lying about adults in order to attempt to make herself look better and a father that actually got into a fist fight at a school awards dinner, what is the answer?

There are two great sayings about fighting, one is, “never get into a fight with an ugly person, because they have nothing to lose,” and “never get in a fight with a pig, because they love to get dirty.”

Theoretically, we know the answer.  Ignore and avoid.  Be “above it.”

“Bullies” are born out of weakness and insecurity that is why they need to lash out at others. In this case, where you are dealing with not only an insecure adult, but one with significant mental and emotional issues, then what do you do?

Is it possible to be a “normal” adult and understand how to deal with someone that is mentally imbalanced?  

In the end.  If you react and do something personally as an adult, you lose.  If you have your child do something to the other child, like “fight back,” you lose.  If you move your child to another school to get away from the entire situation, you lose.

What “motivates” an adult to ruin a child’s life or High School experience?  Is there any way to address a mentally ill parent that can justify everything they say or do by lying and twisting reality?  How does “good” conquer “evil” when it hides in the shadows of manipulation and lies?

In theory, we know that good conquers evil, right?  Does it happen in application?  I want to hear from you and hear how good conquers evil in this scenario!
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