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"Rainman" Pancakes for Breakfast and Hamburgers for Lunch doesn't prove that it's Super Bowl Sunday.
"Angry Black Jesus," Gregory GOrDon is in the news again. This time for his fundamental questioning of what actual day it is. Is it Superbowl Sunday or Saturday. To keep his mind off of the matter he has dived head long into his Dvorak mission.
"I admit that I may be simply confused, but I don't know why this should even be a problem" States GOrDon. "The days of the week are sacred, No matter what language, what culture, what religion, the days of the week have never been an issue." he continues. "I hope I get this straightened out in my mind real soon. It is driving me insane."
In order to keep his mind off of the problem GOrDon has begun to focus on his main mission which is to see to it that the world adopts the Dvorak keyboard and he has filed an appeal with OSHA for denying his complaint about the Qwerty keyboard being a health hazard. He has adopted the mission of his club house Fountain House which is that the best way to keep your mental health issues frorm being a problem is to keep yourself busy with work. The Fountain House model of mental health recovery has been adopted by the United Nations as the recommended treatment.
The following is the text of the OSHA appeal.
Dear, Mr Vivas,
This letter is a letter of appeal about your denying to look into my complaint to OSHA concerning the number one occupational health hazard in America at this point in time; The Qwerty Keyboard. In my dealing with your office it was suggested that I find a complainant who has suffered injury from using the Qwerty Keyboard. I have done so.
This is not a new complaint but rather further information needed to act on my original complaint. E Complaint number 479242. OSHA Seven number: 207 787 490 For ease of reference I have cut and pasted the body of the original complaint below, followed by the contact information of the person who is representing the injured parties.
The complaint reads as follows:
As an ordained clergy member of The Church of Spiritual Humanism, I, Gregory GOrDon do hereby submit this complaint on behalf of all workers who may or may not believe in me as The Second Coming of Jesus Christ but must use a QWERTY keyboard to type on their computers both at their jobs and at home...
Lack of knowledge of/or permission to use the Dvorak keyboard which can eliminate their suffering from Repetitive Strain Injuries such as Carpal Tunnel Syndrome is to blame. •
How many employees work at the site and how many are exposed to the hazard? • Answer: As of the year 2000 it was estimated that between 45 million and 75 million members of the United States workforce held jobs that required exposure to and intensive use of the QWERTY keyboard. •
How and when are workers exposed? • Answer: Every time they touch type on a Qwerty keyboard they are exposed to needless finger travel that is the cause of Repetitive Stress Injury on Computer Keyboards. In a year of eight hour days of typing on a Qwerty Keyboard a worker’s finger’s will be forced to travel back and forth between rows more than 5,840 miles, if they were using a Dvorak Keyboard that figure would be less than 275 miles. •
What work is performed in the unsafe or unhealthful area? • Answer: Typing data entry and computer coding along with general office work. • What type of equipment is used? • Answer: Computers. •
Is it in good condition? • Answer: Regardless of the condition of the keyboard the worker will be exposed to needless and excessive finger travel. •
Have employees been informed or trained regarding hazardous conditions? • Answer: For the most part very few people know that they have an option to use the Dvorak keyboard. •
How often and for how long do employees work at the task that leads to their exposure? • Answer: Daily if their job requires keyboard data entry. • How long (to your knowledge) has the condition existed? • Answer: Since the early 1920’s •
Have any attempts been made to correct the problem? • Answer: The problem has been totally corrected if and only if you choose to learn and type on a Dvorak or Maltron keyboard •
Has anyone been injured or made ill as a result of this problem? • Answer: People are accumulating stress that adds to their likelihood of developing a Repetitive Strain Injury on a daily basis. Over 200,000 surgeries for Carpal Tunnel Syndrome are performed every year most of them needless if the cause was their computer use.
"I hope that I, we, can get this day thing straightened out" concludes GOrDon "As you can see I have a lot better things to do than worry about what day it is."
For more information see:
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The Trust in God is Gregory S GOrDon's special needs trust fund enabling GOrDon to perform his duties as The Messiah without cutting off his government benefits necessary for his special status as the confirmed chosen one.