WikiLeaks, openness, integrity and your relationship

WikiLeaks is a challenge to integrity for some, and a challenge to security for others. Most people are unaware, though, of how the WikiLeaks drama is a mirror of what goes on in their own private lives.
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Dec. 10, 2010 - PRLog -- The WikiLeaks drama that’s unfolding, and the international media interest generated in the issues of integrity, openness, and accountability has for very good reason triggered the interests of a wide audience. At the heart of the matter is the battle of supposed security, risk management, and the right to private communications versus the right of all people to have access to the truth and the whole truth.
   What makes the WikiLeak drama so relevant, is that all of us are having to make similar decisions in every nook and cranny of our own lives. As a couples therapist, I constantly see the cost of secret liaisons and hidden agendas, often in the form of a double – or at least secret – life lived by one partner. However, the irony is that the secrets often withheld from a partner are done so with the knowledge that one’s spouse may not be able to handle the truth. Or better still, when the spouse gets to hear the truth, the partner holding what had previously been a secret may not be able to cope with the consequent emotional meltdown.
   WikiLeaks is moving into the territory of exposing not just political intrigue, but the personal lives of the rich and famous as well. It’s as though there’s a videocam on every street corner, and in every mistress’ room, ready to capture the ‘sordid’ details of any behaviour that is not sanctioned by social etiquette. No more can one live a Walter Mitty life, having some fun or naughtiness on the side. WikiLeaks may be watching you, whether it’s sex, drugs or rock ‘n roll you’re sneakily engaged in.
   So the question is: How much should the public (or your partner) know about your life? Are they entitled to know everything? Are you entitled to a secret life others don’t get to hear about?
   We are so used to political and military secrecy and carefully managed PR that we have become almost immune to the lack of integrity and honesty that are common to these realms of planetary functioning. It’s almost as if we expect covert operations like the CIA, KGB to exist, and all of the dishonesty, incongruency, double dealing and double lives that flow from such activities. What we don’t realize though when WikiLeaks begins to expose such intrigue, is that our own integrity and openness with those with whom we interact daily is also being questioned.
   My experience in working with couples, is that secrecy gets you into trouble. Sooner or later, the truth seems to come out, and when it does, it’s front page news on the domestic front. The shit hits the proverbial fan and trust is lost both because of the ‘indiscretions’ but also because lies and secrecy have been covering it up. Those individuals who disclose to their spouse behaviours which might upset them are more likely to be forgiven and maintain a trusting relationship than those found out when some leak has occurred (forgive the pun). Similarly, those who have offended against society, but front up and face the music – who face the shame they will inevitably experience simply because they’ve broken a social rule or expectation – will usually recover in one piece. If you’re not sure about this, ask those who have tried the ‘plug this leak’ approach. Would Bill Clinton, Jerry Falwell or – oh, even now WikiLeaks founder – Julian Assange agree?

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Source:Jeffery Saunders
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Tags:Wikileaks, Assange, Couples, Security, Integrity, Couples Conflict, Relationships, Playing Around, Cheating
Industry:Society, Home
Location:Christchurch - Canterbury - New Zealand
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