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Matchmaker Ruffles Feathers on the Radio
Melinda Maximova, matchmaker and author of, Power Shift: Why a Great Catch Can’t Find a Match, received a lot of direct hits on Here Women Talk Radio. Her book represents how men think - and sometimes it’s not what women want to hear.
Maximova began the interview with a jarring statement: “Many women who were beautiful in their teen years and early 20s are dumbfounded when they approach 40 and find they no longer have the same power over men as they had when they were 25. These women will heartlessly dismiss a guy for what they perceive as un-chivalrous behavior when he no longer jumps through hoops just to date her. The power balance shifts in the 40s to one of equality -- and it is a game-changing realization for many women in this age group”.
Maximova continued to outline the premise of her book, which in essence, says that 30 and 40 year old women need to learn flexibility, and realize that men do want women who are intelligent, grounded and powerful, but men want to feel adored and appreciated by women too, in the same way they made women feel in their 20s.
The website chat room detonated after the interview. One of the panelists ranted, “Todays show was really a ball breaker for women in my opinion, and ironically our "balls" were broken by a woman. Haven't we come too far and worked too hard to take our place as equals in every area of life to "pretend" on a date in order to secure another date? No woman should need a man that badly - regardless of his income or be advised to act in such a way.”
John Banks, the host of the show, "Bringing Man Out of the Cave”, handled the situation professionally. He later chatted, “It is truly interesting to hear what so many people got differently from yesterday's show. My wife, and many others who were listening, got that Mrs. Maximova was saying that both parties should show mutual adoration, not a one way street from the woman. She was saying that, at our age, the female should MATCH the adoration of the man if she likes him. She actually reiterated that a few times. She was saying that men and women should jump through hoops for each other equally. She was stating that men want equality in adoration, and life. Isn't that what the women’s movement was about?”
He goes on to remind listeners, “My show is an attempt to give women a greater perspective on how men think and their thoughts, right or wrong. We all have to truly open our minds to hear and ponder the other side. Melinda has spent years interviewing and speaking to thousands of men. She has worked with noted author Dr. John Grey of "Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars". You can find some of her interviews on You Tube. In the interviews the men tell the stories she is expressing.”
Another chatter responded:“In listening to the archives, you can hear that she (Maximova) was not trying to bash women, rather, she was encouraging women to be thoughtful, appreciative and understanding, as opposed to emotionally volatile and demanding.
All through out the interview, Maximova hammered home the Power Shift premise and how it affects women in their 30s and 40s. She told listeners that men approaching their late 30s are realizing their own power for the first time. They become more financially stable, more ruggedly handsome, and are walking with the confidence and wisdom resulting from age. And because of this shift, when a 40-year-old woman acts out in fits of entitlement, she may find that he has a line of other, perhaps even younger, women readily waiting to fill her shoes. As 40-something men are finding themselves with options for the first time they will easily dismiss a woman unless she realizes that she is no longer the only prize. He is now a prize too— and although this is hard to hear, 40-year-old women better start jumping through a few hoops of their own if they want to catch a really great guy and keep him.
The interview touched some very sensitive nerves in both the studio, and the chat room. A female listener wrote in, “Melinda, Melinda , Melinda...darlin' what are you smoking?”. Another listener defended Maximova “Gail....what are YOU smoking? Did you hear her at all on Monday? She's been saying ALL along that it is supposed to be a "mutual" thing.”
Unruffled herself, Maximova continued with her viewpoint. – “Women can’t get away with simply blaming men for being jerks. Why are you choosing these men?" She outlined the The Good Man Checklist, from her book, and encouraged women to adapt to the patterns of PLEASURE: "A truly good man is a good provider, loyal, empathetic, aspiring, selfless, useful, rational and endearing. Before you lose your heart to the wrong guy, make sure he is worth it.”
Many of the “ruffled” panelists on the show, were themselves, single and dating in their 40s, and they had a hard time swallowing the medicine Maximova was dishing out. Maximova hit a raw spot and the emotions were heated.
One chatter found the tumultuous interview upsetting, “Let me start off by saying, I love this show. However, I was disappointed about several aspects of the show this week. I never got that she said women should bow down, or do what men want. I heard her say over and over again, that when you are attracting a mate you should be honest and straight forward vs. holding back or acting uninterested. If you like someone, show them, and in return they will show you how they feel about you. Treat others how you wish to be treated.”
Speaking with aplomb, Maximova told her female listeners that they actually gain power by losing their sense of entitlement. She tells them to step off of their pedestals, and out of their gilded carriages, in order to find and keep a really good man. She says that women in their 30s and 40s need to be proactive and smart, and change their relationship strategies to create a balance of power, so they can learn the methods of courtship that men had to painfully, learn in their youth.
One female listener called in and called Maximova a misogynist. The caller later exploded: “I'm smoking the reality pipe! Sorry, I just don't hear her message the way you do…but that's ok. Her word choice, if you think she and I are on the same page is archaic: "pedestal, adored".. spare me. And the whole rap about men in their 20s being tired of putting women on pedestals is a crock to me...”
One chatter piped in, “ I guess in general I felt like the point that was being made by Melinda was missed and the show started to take a form of negativity that was straight up unpleasant.”
In her book, Power Shift: Why a Great Catch Can’t Find a Match, Maximova says the responsibility for chivalrous behavior falls squarely on the shoulders of the man during the first few dates, but once the relationship develops, it should even out, and the woman must reciprocate all the sweet things he did for her at the beginning. She encourages women to maintain a confident, optimistic, positive attitude, and be forgiving of dating foibles and fopauxs.
To listen: http://theperfectsearch.com/
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Power Shift: Why a Great Catch Can’t Find a Match, addresses topics such as, why men like dating younger women and why men want hot. Power Shift defines the Princess Syndrome, the difference between self-esteem and self-importance, and discusses sex, fidelity and trust. It guides readers through the Good Man Checklist, the PLEASURE Principal, the patterns of MISHAP, and the Seven “F”s For Keeping Your Man. The book illustrates the complicated topics of conflict resolution, marriage ultimatums, and prenuptial agreements, and offers specific tools to help women think like a winner, thereby attracting men who are also winners. Through humor and matchmaker case studies, Power Shift: Why a Great Catch Can’t Find a Match, provides a road map for overcoming the pitfalls of the Power Shift phenomenon to empower women in their 30s and 40s to find intimate love with the powerful man in their life.
To download a copy got to: http://www.theperfectsearch.com/