Social anxiety: how you can overcome it

Oct. 6, 2010 - PRLog -- Anna Aparicio, IINLP/Hypnosis Master Coach based in Dublin reckons that we've become so self-obsessed that a lot of us can't bear embarrassment or rejection of any kind.

She says that while we may be technologically evolving at a scary pace, when it comes to human interaction, we are losing, through lack of practice, the most basic communication skills.

Anna says that more and more people come to her practice with issues such as extreme shyness, social anxiety, fear of being judged or being rejected… people who get nervous when meeting new people, who get really self-conscious and blush, or get sweaty, nauseous and even tongued tied.

"I've seen clients cause themselves a full blown panic attack at the thought of having to interact with other people" says Anna "Some people have gone through traumatic experiences that have led them to feel insecure about themselves and around people. Others come up with the most ridiculous stories"

One of Anna's clients told her that when she was four years old, a group of other toddlers wouldn’t let her play with them and since then she has had problems creating relationships with people. She is now thirty years old.

"So how long exactly are you planning on being lonely and miserable for?” Anna asked.

Anna says that particular client had constructed a set of the most ridiculous rules around people, to her own disadvantage. "She told me that she had been to the cinema with a girl. Afterwards, she overheard a phone conversation in which her friend said to someone else that she had been in a really dark place. She couldn’t comprehend that her friend had described the cinema as “a dark place”. She said that was stupid and that she decided not to see that friend again!"

According to Anna if you are too self-conscious around people, then you are focusing too much on yourself. Therefore, you are being too self-centred. "You need to get out of your head so you can start to pay attention to people. Get interested in them. Focus on making sure they are having a good time"

Practice Anna's tips and notice how you start to feel much more confident and comfortable with yourself, and with other people:

1. BECOME INTERESTED IN PEOPLE:
Genuinely interested! Thankfully, we are all different from each other. Otherwise, this would be a very dull planet to live on. I mean, imagine all those aliens out there, all looking exactly like each other, with the big heads and the green bodies…! How boring! Us, on the other hand, we are all unique. There is so much to discover and learn from each other that any opportunity missed could be your biggest opportunity missed. If you want to be liked and accepted by people, first, you must like people and accept them. Allow yourself to become more curious so you can find out interesting things about them. How can you break the ice? Ask a question, pay a compliment, notice something you have in common…

2. PAY ATTENTION:
People love to talk about themselves, which is great. This means you don’t even have to talk that much yourself. Simply listen. When I say listen I don’t mean look at them while you’re deciding in your head what to have for lunch. I mean pay attention and show that you are listening. When I say show that you are listening I don’t mean identify something that you may have in common and completely take over the conversation. I mean identify something you may have in common and keep asking more questions, find out more. This is how you get to know people well.

3. FOCUS ON THEM:
Instead of focusing on making people like you, focus on making them feel good around you. When someone feels good around you, they are more likely to like you and want to spend more time with you. Have you ever met a person who maybe you talked to for just a couple of minutes but that left a lasting smile on your face and that warm feel good vibe with you? And that when they left you just couldn’t wait to meet them again? In order to make people feel good, you have to feel good about yourself first. So that when you go out and meet people, they get infected with your vibe. I know there’s something that makes you feel really really good… now, whatever it is, go do more of it more often.

4. GET A SENSE OF HUMOUR!
Getting over the fear of embarrassment and rejection is simply a matter of practice. The more you experience these, the more resistant you become to them. Learnt not to take yourself so seriously. With clients and at seminars, I often ridicule myself on purpose. Why? Because if I can make you laugh, then this means you get to feel good. And when you are feeling good, you learn better and faster. So, who cares at whose expense it is? Laughter IS the best medicine after all.

Finally, breathe! It's easy to feel panicky when you take quick shallow breaths. There is not enough oxygen going to your brain and body. Instead, take a few slow and deep breaths. Inhale for four counts, hold your breath for four counts, and exhale for eight counts, letting all the air out of your lungs before you inhale again. Notice how much more relaxed and clear minded you feel!

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Anna Aparicio is regarded as Ireland's top female IINLP/Hypnosis Coach, and a Self-image and Confidence Expert. Now you can claim her free report WHY YOU'LL NEVER GET WHAT YOU WANT UNLESS YOU DO THIS at http://www.delite.ie