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The Only Thing Tighter than the Leotard Was the Budget
A filmmaker’s vision drives him to even lower depths as he challenges his partner to make the cheapest superhero movie ever. He describes his challenges in overcoming his budget limitations and making "Pathetically Cheap" a household word.
First he needed to find a multi-skilled cast who shared his enthusiasm. Notices for casting went out through Los Angeles and the results were staggering: only five people had shown up! What was Darchuk going to do? After all, there was a cast of over thirty incredibly delicious characters. Darchuk quickly swung into action by casting himself as one of the leads. This was strictly a non-union job. The others who showed up at audition were also cast and the zany script was read, but the leading lady had to be recast because she partied the night before and overslept. The next leading lady cast had objections to a simple kiss and a photograph of her in sleepwear. Finally, the perfect actress woman showed up. Actually, Darchuk begged a former acting classmate to take the role. To be fair, he only promised her that she "might become a star" because of her delicately nuanced work in the film. Once she reluctantly agreed, dates were set, and technical people were brought on to solve the enormous challenge of shooting a feature film in merely ten days.
The intricate plot centers on Ralphee Tarantimo, who works at a video store, but by night he assumes his alter-ego, Xtra-Man, ministering to downtrodden and abused extras all over Hollygood. The production ground to a halt when the two male leads couldn't agree who should play the title role. Disaster is averted as the leading lady convinces them to share the role. They all stumble through making their movie with the aid of her boyfriend, an ex-con biker, a bubbly stripper, and a homeless dude who gets to play God. Now stay with me here, God sends Ralphee a styrofoam tablet with a mysterious inscription, so Lois Lame, a shy loner who frequents Ralphee's store, helps him seek out the ghost of Charlton Feston in Beverly Frills. Feston reads the tablet and announces that it is the Eleventh Commandment:
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Pathetically Cheap Adventures, LLC was formed by Carl Darchuk and Mary Lewallen to produce entertaining escapist movies. No longer does the film market need to be dominated by multi-million dollar epics.