Why Bedwetting is Funny?

May 12, 2010 - PRLog -- Comedian Sarah Silverman’s recent memoir “The Bedwetter” details her rise to notoriety. This is not a review of her book but rather an observation about Ms. Silverman’s use of the term bedwetter as her title.

As marketing director for the Try for Dry Program helping train healthcare professionals, and parents to help children overcome bedwetting; I assited in writing “Getting to Dry” (Harvard Common Press) which has been a perennial favorite on the subject of bedwetting for the past ten years.  The book is available at your local bookstore, library or online.

I am grateful to Sarah Silverman for having the courage to boldly title her book, “The Bedwetter.”  This topic is still regarded as taboo among many parents who mistakenly see bedwetting as a parenting failure. Perhaps more damagingly many parents continue to believe their child’s bedwetting is a lack of self control issue. Bedwetting is not typically a result of either of these factors and it can be controlled.

For those who are not familiar with her work (you probably don’t get cable) Ms. Silverman is a shock comic. Since it is nearly impossible to shock anyone today you can imagine how far she needs to reach for a laugh. It is interesting to note that the term “bedwetter” qualifies as having the ability to shock.  So the use of the word itself in this context is an indication of the stigma and pain involved. Something she eludes to in her book.

Comedy and pain are very close allies as evidenced in the kind of slapstick humor your kids probably love so well.  Slipping on a banana peel is not in itself funny. But experiencing the unexpected, seeing someone out of control, then the relief of seeing them survive a potentially painful situation are all elements of humor. Another important aspect of comedy is being part of a shared experience. Part of what makes certain kinds of humor funny is the fact that there is an element of mutual understanding.  Silverman’s style of humor is based in the comedian bringing our attention to something that has some basis in truth. It also often has an element of pain or discomfort. The fact that she can boldly proclaim herself to be, and identify herself as, a bedwetter is because she has the confidence of knowing that there are a significant number of people who will identify with her experience, her pain, and indeed the humor resulting from having survived the experience.  

The role of the comedian in our society is often to expose the uncomfortable and shed a humorous light on the absurdity of certain taboos and customs. This was in a large part the role of the court jester who was permitted to speak truth to power by using humor. By doing so the comedian exposes our darkest fears and allows us to see our common humanity.

There are other sides to humor. The “dark side” is the superior judgemental ignorant observer. This is a low form of humor based in “otherness.”  What I am terming “otherness humor” is when two or more individuals find humor in the mere fact that someone is different from them. This also has a basis in shared experience and pain, although it is more perverse.  The “comedian” and “audience” in this case are affirming their shared experience by declaring someone else the “other.” In this way they gain security and a sense of superiority at the expense of excluding someone else. This style of humor does not draw people together but rather separates people into groups of “us” and “them.”  The comedians (we all know them) see themselves as “us” and everyone else as “them.”  Their humor is “inside humor” it is only funny to them because it is designed to be exclusionary. The act of exclusion is partly what they find funny. These individuals use humor as a weapon.

Licensed clinical therapist Wes Salsbury of Chicago who has spent years working with troubled youth confirms that in the context of this example these individuals are likely to deride a child who bedwets because that child is “the other”, the outcast.  The comedians in this example see themselves as superior, though arguably  their need to display superiority through hurtful derisive humor has its basis in their own insecurities and pain. Oddly it seems one way to cover your own pain is to inflict pain on others.

In her own outlandish way I believe Sarah Silverman is doing a great service to bedwetters everywhere. She is in effect saying to those who share her pain, “look at me I am a survivor.” By doing so she is helping others to realize that likely they are  survivors as well. Perhaps her message helps observers such as parents, friends and siblings see that childhood bedwetting is a sometimes a painfully embarassing issue, causing them to be more sympathetic and helpful. I cannot help feeling that Silverman is saying to the hurtful “otherness” people, “Hey look at me! I am a bedwetter and I am a famous comedian and you’re not.”  In this way I think Sarah is getting the last laugh.

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Reno Lovison is the Marketing Director of Try for Dry and contributor to “Getting to Dry – How to help your child overcome bedwetting.” http://www.tryfordry.com