How to Choose a Confirmation Saint Name

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Choosing a Confirmation Saint Name
For the Modern Catholic Teenager

The very first time they walk down that hallway, the freshman is immediately weighed, measured and sorted into preexisting categories.  In those social groups (the common ones being Jocks, Cheerleaders, Nerds, etc.) they shall stay the rest of their high school years, united under a brand name shoe, motto, or distinct odor emitted.

Along with the biological and emotional changes, the growing responsibilities of becoming a young adult, and the pressure to conform, it is also important for the modern Catholic teenager to pray for graces to overcome these adolescent trials.  While preparing for the Sacrament of Confirmation, the teen should pick a patron saint that shares in the same interest as them or provides an example of Christian living.  St. Francis of Assisi would be a better patron saint for an animal lover than, say, St. Adrian, who is the patron saint of butchers.

The Jock
He is so athletic, even your parents are proud of him.  Mr. Dreamy is just as good in completing passes on the field as in making passes at the girls in his classes.  The most popular guy in school, he is the best bet for Prom King and every other margin in every other textbook has his initials encircled with a heart.  The Jock who doesn’t play sports is called a “Preppy.”

The patron saint of athletes is St. Sebastian.  But the Jock may want to choose St. Amalia who protects against pain in the arms and from bruising.  St. Valentine, as the patron saint of love, could guide him towards the true definition of romance as God intended it.

The Cheerleader
You know she’s done with a sentence when she screams “woo-hoo” and does a leg kick.  Her school spirit is so contagious, referees unknowingly become biased towards her team.  Her voice is so loud, it echoes in a different language.  

St. Blaise is the patron saint for people with throat maladies.  His intercession will protect her voice.  The patron saint of dancers is St. Vitus.  On the other hand, St. John Nepomucene will teach her the value of silence and to avoid speaking ill of her opponents.

The Princess
Little hearts dot her i’s.  Calvin Klein has an iPhone app that tells him what she’s wearing that day.  On her sixteenth birthday, she got something with a lot of horsepower… and, a real horse.  Last summer, she took the yacht to visit the other side of her family estate.

St. Paul the Hermit is the patron saint of fashionistas.  While hiding from persecution in the desert, he created his own line of tres chic clothes woven from leaves.  St. Anne, the mother of Our Lady, is the guardian of equestrians.  But St. Rose of Lima will teach this wannabe model how to be a model of feminine modesty.

Skaters and Surfers
Their hair is always wet and they smell like seawater.  The bottom of their shoes no longer have treads and sometimes worn to the sock.  When they speak, they use a noun, a verb, and either of the words “bro” or “dude.”  As adrenaline junkies, their scars have scars, and a gnarly story behind how they got each one.

St. Lydwina of Schiedam was severely injured in an ice skating accident, causing her to be paralyzed and endure agony for many years.  Because of this, she is recognized as the patron saint of those involved in any recreational skating activity.  St. Christopher is a patron saint of sports and of many things aquatic, so surfers seek his intercession while they’re out catching some waves… dude.

Drama Club, Speech and Debate Team
The men of Moliere, the dames of declamation, and the participants of the Parliamentary.  They order linguini and lentils from the lunch lady as trippingly on the tips of their tongues as a soliloquy from Shakespeare.  They can debunk your argument in exactly three minutes or less, and their knifelike wit can cut cafeteria meat.

The patron of the theater arts is St. Genesius of Rome, an actor who had his spiritual conversion while on stage.  St. Drogo will defend against speechlessness and Blessed Notkar Balbulus intercedes for those afflicted with stammering.  

Nerds
It just so happens that the captain of the chess team also dresses like the captain of the Starship Enterprise.  In addition to a pocket protector, he has a shoulder holster for his asthma inhaler.  His social calendar is filled in with this word that only he seems to know: “larping.”  Fix your computer?  Not a problem.

St. Isidore of Seville was a prolific compiler of information, and because of this he has been recognized as the patron saint of computers and the patron saint of the internet.  St. Raphael the Archangel, who is the patron saint of general health, will help his many physical afflictions as well as warn him about spending too much time with his eyes glued to the monitor.

Band Geeks
It has been said that Band Geeks have only one true love: their musical instruments.  Oftentimes these will have been given names.  These guys spend just about as much time on the field as the football team, though they will argue that successfully performing “Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring” is more difficult to accomplish than the halfback screen.

St. Cecilia is the patron saint of music and musicians.  Many horn players, however, will be attracted to St. Gabriel the Archangel, whose trumpet blare begins the end of the world.  The protection of the musicians most valuable organ, the ears, is attributed to St. Francis de Sales.  

Goths and Emos
These guys have more black clothing than a cabinet in a rectory.  Their little sisters outgrew the skinny jeans they’re now wearing.  Though their demeanor is the general scowl of teenage angst and non-conformity, their extreme hairstyles change colors like bipolar mood rings.  Manhole covers have been made from their melted piercings.

Rejected by many religious orders, St. Benedict Joseph Labre would be a great inspiration for any teenager who feels like an outcast.  St. Dymphna had a particularly difficult upbringing also and has come to be known as the patron saint against depression and mental illness.  Let it be a lesson that even the outcast and insane are called to be saints.  Also, St. Michael the Archangel will keep the devil away, especially since this subculture has many satanic themes.  

Hispters
They don’t really need those thick-rimmed glasses.  Kitschy accessories and t-shirts with ironic messages or retro pictures are their means of establishing modern uniqueness by associating with passé trends.  This bearded vegan and his messenger bag and ten-speed bicycle is often spotted commenting on the state of politics and the environment while citing references only they have heard of.  More than likely, they have a blog about their cat.

For the environmentalist in them, St. Francis of Assisi is their patron saint.  And also, because of their penchant for the obscure, undiscovered and difficult to pronounce, Blessed Kateri Tekakwitha.  Our late pontiff John Paul II designated St. Thomas More as the patron saint for politics, to inspire this future pundit.

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