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Do the Best Picture Oscar Nominees Put the Audience to Sleep?
People who nap (through movies) live longer.
“That this happened in the first year since 1943 that has allowed ten Best Picture nominees is baffling,” said Sleep Inducement Expert Sondra Lowell, inventor of the Film Sleepy genre. “There is plenty of room here for sleep-disrupting and sleep-inducing movies alike.”
The director of two never-nominated movies that put the audience to sleep is especially ticked off by the nomination of animated 3D movie Avatar. “How can you doze off when you’re wearing those uncomfortable glasses?” she asked indignantly. “Requiring special equipment further diminishes any relaxation that sitting in a plush seat in a darkened room can otherwise offer.”
Sleep inducer Sondra’s critique of sci-fi nominee District 9 is only slightly less scathing: “Giant insects from outer space keep people up nights even when they’ve attended a matinée. This does not bode well for the future of our civilization.”
Lowell explained that her primary reason for pursuing the (currently) lower-paying route of making movies that don’t grab the viewer’s attention is to counteract the debilitating effects of modern living.
“Several studies have shown that people who take naps live longer. Movies that put the audience to sleep can help insomniacs slumber through the night and also bore them into taking those naps that lead to greater health. AskMen.com Health Correspondent Joshua Levine says naps up to two hours are best, and all film sleepy movies are under that length. “
“Being scared almost to death by cowboys with guns was fine in the days of the nickelodeon. Life was simple,” she recalled. “Today, we’re all rushing about with smart phones and jangled nerves, and explosions and monsters only stress our minds and bodies to the breaking point.”
Confident that she is offering a sedative more effective and less addictive than any sleeping pill, the video visionary is a little disappointed that she has never even been nominated for a Razzie.
“When Sandra Bullock is nominated for Best Actress and Worst Actress in the same year, that shows how little difference there is between these categories. Actors and motion pictures that disrupt nature’s sleep cycles should be eligible for either an Oscar or a Razzie. Not both, at least not in the same year.”
The cinematic innovator still holds out hope that all will turn out well in the end and predicts that, as early as 2012, all nominated films will put the audience to sleep, and fast…if the nominating period ends before the world does.
The Los Angeles Times called the first Film Sleepy, WebcamMurder.com, "the most boring talky ever made," and filmmaker Sondra takes pride in the physical and emotional health it has brought viewers.
“Many are fast asleep before the end of scene one. And, believe me, they thank us for it when they wake up feeling more revitalized than they have in years. They barely miss remembering what the movie’s about at all.”
Sublime Crime: A Subliminal Mystery goes even further to promote well-being as the first entirely subliminal mystery in history. The blank screen is interrupted only by flashes of the mystery and affirmations such as, "I am very, very charismatic."
Both movies are available on Amazon. WebcamMurder.com can be seen in its entirety for free on YouTube in nap-sized one minute segments. http://www.youtube.com/
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Film Sleepy Inc is the leading producer of motion pictures that put the audience to sleep worldwide.
Founder Sondra Lowell is the foremost Sleep Inducement Expert in independent film today. As the inventor of the Film Sleepy genre, she has taken on the task of turning viewers from stressed out victims of vampires, explosions and alien takeovers into a healthy, well-rested citizenry, capable of clear thinking and reasoned action.
The Los Angeles Times lauded her first feature, WebcamMurder.com (about people who live 24/7 on webcams), as "the most boring talky ever made."
Sondra's second Film Sleepy, Sublime Crime: A Subliminal Mystery, takes the new genre into newer territory still, as the first entirely subliminal mystery in history. Consisting mostly of a blank screen and an unintelligible soundtrack of positive affirmations, Sublime Crime is also the first motion picture that allows the audience to solve the mystery in their dreams.