Confidence-Boosting Tips for Self Improvement

Oct. 28, 2009 - PRLog -- By Deborah Bernstein

Self-confident people have qualities that others admire. Therefore, believing in yourself and your abilities is a magnet that can attract people to you. Speaking from my own personal and professional experiences, confidence is vital to one’s success.

I often hear people say they are reluctant to show too much confidence, fearing they will come across as arrogant. But there is a fine line between the two. Confidence is a feeling or consciousness of one’s powers and faith that they will act in a proper or effective way. Arrogance is an attitude of superiority demonstrated in an overbearing, conceited manner.

Think back to your school days and recall the most popular of your classmates. They were likely to be the ones who showed confidence in themselves and were “doers.” On the other hand, the students who were self-centered and pompous didn’t win many friends or much influence. And the students with low self esteem probably stood in the background.

There is also a distinction between loving yourself and being selfish. Self-love is essential to loving others and having them love you back. The degree to which you care about yourself influences the energy you have available for others. Furthermore, if you love and appreciate yourself, you will experience the personal security required to find your place in this world.

It’s important to let your confidence show in just about any situation. Even police officials tell females who must walk alone at night to carry themselves with confidence and purpose. In that way, they will make themselves less vulnerable to physical attacks.

Setting that scenario aside, confidence generally increases our attractiveness. It doesn’t matter if we are trying to land a job or a husband. Low self esteem is unappealing in close relationships as well as in business and social interactions. A lack if self-confidence can even be self destructive.

Here are some hints on how to boost your confidence level:

Silence those negative inner voices that undermine your efforts to attain what you want. We all hear them and need to drown them out. But how?

Think positively. Consider your assets rather than imperfections and write those assets down. Include the good things about your appearance, unique personality traits, skills, achievements, talents and so forth. Review them from time to time as a reminder of all that’s special and good about you. In addition, embrace your flaws. This is part of loving yourself unconditionally. No one – not even your favorite movie star – is perfect.

Act “as if.”  Act confident even if you don’t feel it (yet). Act happy when you aren’t. Speak positively rather than negatively. You’ll be surprised how your demeanor and behavior will change for the better. Humans are highly adaptable; we can overcome what appears to be insurmountable with pure will.

Be conscious of your body language. A rigid walk, poor posture, fidgeting, a brooding facial expression or avoiding eye contact with the person you are conversing with speak volumes about your attitude. It is perceived as negative.

Avoid comparing yourself to others. What you expect and want from yourself are unique and have little if anything to do with how you measure up to someone else. However, I do think it’s okay to select and try to emulate a role model, if your goal is to work toward acquiring some of the traits you admire most about that person. (I’m referring to things such as generosity, not hair color.)

Accept compliments graciously instead of rolling your eyes and brushing them off. Believe that you deserve them.

Don’t let what others say about you shape the opinion you have of yourself. Don’t base your behavior on what other people think. Some people will criticize you and say terrible things, some which they mean, others which they don’t.  Either way, remember the old adage, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” Moreover, we all have different values, opinions and attitudes. Don’t take it personally when someone expresses a different viewpoint. No one’s opinion is any weightier than your own and vice versa.

Stand up for yourself if someone puts you down. As you get into the habit of doing this, it will become easier and your confidence will increase.

Don’t judge yourself too harshly if you make a mistake. To err is human. Learn from your mistakes. “This too shall pass” and you’ll be smarter and stronger to handle the situation better the next time.

Take action. Go the extra mile, take a risk, take a class, tackle a task you’ve postponed for months, pursue your passion or whatever you’ve been hesitant to do. Chances are you will feel good about what you’ve done and gain confidence to do even more.

Take care of yourself. Eat healthy and exercise regularly. Practice good personal hygiene and be well groomed (even if no one is around).

Dress in clean and appropriate clothing for the situation you are in. Cleavage may get you stares, but that’s about all.

Be happy being you. Though every human is just a speck on the planet, each of us is different and has a contribution to make while here on earth. You have a unique set of genes and life experiences unlike anybody else. You are important for the individual you are.

Confidence can be learned. But jumpstarting or improving that feeling of self assurance rising from an appreciation of your qualities and abilities is a process that takes time. Being patient – while moving forward in a positive direction – should bring you the mindset you desire. And, best of all, by showing your own self confidence, you will help build the confidence of people around you.


Boca Raton, Florida resident Deborah Bernstein is happy to make special appearances at community or business events in South Florida and can be reached at (561) 329-4721 or via e-mail at MsFlorida2008@live.com.