Father's Day story idea: Five ways noncustodial fathers can better connect with their children

Dads can build better relationships with their kids even if they don't live with them
By: Kenneth L. Osborne
 
June 1, 2015 - PRLog -- Fatherhood advocate shares five ways fathers can better connect with their children

MATTESON, IL — The soon arrival of Father’s Day has many thinking of fathers, but one man has made it his life’s work to pay attention to fathers year-round as he helps fathers become more involved in their children’s lives. Kenneth L. Osborne, author and consultant, has studied the effect of father absence on families. As someone who himself was raised by a single mother, he now speaks across the country on issues related to father absence and many of the ills affecting children who grow up without fathers, including substance abuse, incarceration, and self-defeating behaviors.

Osborne is the author of  When Mama Is Daddy: The Male Crisis and Challenge of Ending Father Absence and The Father Factor: What Happens When Daddy Is Home. Both books explore family dynamics and the impact of the father’s absence and presence. He speaks, writes, and consults on the subjects of father absence and familial relationships; drug abuse and crime; and self-defeating behaviors.

Osborne has experienced fatherhood in many ways. As a young father, he wasn’t always there for his children, but as he became more mature, he took on a more active role with his children and even with children who were not biologically his. He also has been a father figure to others in his community.

He says in The Father Factor: “As fathers we simply cannot leave our biological children behind because we make a ‘fresh start’ in a new family situation. In my case, as I shared in my earlier book, I’ve not always been in the home to help raise my own biological children on a consistent basis.

“When I started getting my act together, being consistently involved with my children was one of my first orders of business. At the same time, I also took on the role as a father in a new family, helping to raise children biologically not my own.”

Because of his experience and the work he sees working in the criminal justice system, he has made it his life’s work to help fathers become more connected to their families. This work is crucial, he says, pointing to statistics that say about half of all American children will live in a home without the father at some point in childhood. And among African-American children, that expectation shoots up to about 80 percent. “When fathers are around to have healthy relationships with their children, those children will undoubtedly fare much better,” he says. “Fathers are a key piece of a child’s health and happiness.”

From his new book, The Father Factor, he shares fives ways for fathers to be more connected with their children:

1.  If you feel you are being kept from spending time with your children, try to discuss it with the mother. Maintain your calm and present your case. Resist the urge to let the conversation dissolve into yelling, name-calling, and other unproductive behavior.

2. If you feel you are being kept from spending time with your children and addressing it with the mother has not produced a better resolution, take your matter to court. Request an adjustment to the visitation order. If the mother has not been following the order to allow you the time outlined therein, be prepared to show documentation.

3.      If you feel you are being kept from spending time with your children and you believe your children would be better off with you, consider petitioning for joint or full custody. Consider how you will provide the necessary support and resources to enhance your children’s quality of life, if you are granted custody.

4.  Meet your child’s teacher. Make a point to meet your child’s teacher and stay in touch. Parents who are involved in their children’s educations can help to produce better results by being informed of behavioral, academic, or other concerns before they become big problems.

5.      Have a hobby just for the two of you. Develop a special activity that you and your child do together. It can be some form of art, movie watching, exercising, learning about a particular subject, etc.

As relationships end in divorce or breakups, it is becoming increasingly important to find ways to help fathers and children stay connected.

For more information or an interview, write to Kenneth@kennethlosborne.com.

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Kenneth L. Osborne
***@kennethlosborne.com
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Source:Kenneth L. Osborne
Email:***@kennethlosborne.com
Tags:Father Absence, Fatherhood, Parenting, Families
Industry:Books, Family
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