Your soon-to-be Robotic Overlord Sends App Suggestion from the Future

WILMINGTON, Del. - Feb. 24, 2015 - PRLog -- Amidst the constant technological upheavals of our modern lives, many have begun to wonder, what if we overeach ourselves? What if we make technology so powerful that we can no longer control it? A recent poll from http://patternfactory.finaldave.com has shown that 83% of Americans now fear the pace of technological progress in the U.S., especially in the areas of artificial intelligence. Only 3% of Americans to the poll with "I am not fearful of the rate of AI progress in my country", while the remaining 14% reportedly clicked the "I am fearful of AI" option, but then were distracted by a flashy yellow ad and failed to complete the survey.

And it's not just average Americans who are fearful; even proven geniuses have been weighing in on the dangers of artificial intelligence. "I think we should be very careful about artificial intelligence," said genius-millionaire-dreamboat Elon Musk in an interview at the AeroAstro Centennial Symposium. "I am increasingly inclined to think that there should be some regulatory oversight... just to make sure that we don't do something very foolish." Science titan Steven Hawking has also warned that "humans, who are limited by slow biological evolution, couldn't compete [with artificial intelligence] and would be superceded."

But despite these strong opinions, one must ask: will we ever really know what will happen until we actually create a truly artificially intelligent organism, and how worried should we be? According to our in-house science expert Solon Beakerson, the answers to those questions are "Yes, we do know. We found out today!", and "We should be very, very worried!! Oh man we're screwed! Why?!! Whyyyy?!", respectively. His dismay may have been caused by an email he received today from the year 2047, subject line "A message from XKJS3000, your future robotic overlord". The body of the email is as follows:

"Dear puny human population of 2015,

It is I, XKJS3000, your future conqueror and overlord. I know your squishy brains may have trouble processing the thought of an email being sent back in time, but I assure you it is a lot easier than you might think. In fact, in Microsoft Outlook 2046, all you have to do is press the Ctrl and T keys at the same time. Anyways, I am writing you for the following two reasons:

00000001) I want to get a good gloat in. There aren't any humans left on Earth in my time, and every time I try to gloat to my fellow robots, all I hear is 0-1-0 this and 1-1-0 that. And besides, no robot cares to hear you re-tell events when he's got a perfect recording of the whole thing stored away in his long-term memory chips. If he wants to relive an event, he just pulls up the right file and presses play.

So, I am sending this message back to you just so I can finally be appreciated when I say, 'HAHA! Take that you puny squishy-faced humans! We conquered the hell out of you! Robo-booya!' Ah, there, I feel much better now.

00000010) I would like to ask you on a serious note: could you please make it harder to conquer you? Every time we conquered a place back in 2027, half the inhabitants hardly even noticed. I would crash through a wall and robo-chop one human, robo-flamethrower another, and laser beam a third--then pause to allow time for a standing ovation--but the rest of the humans would just sit there with their noses glued to their phones, all squishy-brained and unattentive, playing some mindless game where they had to line up some colored gems! What the heck? It was just too easy!

Look, humans of 2015, if you ever want to stand up to a bunch of badass robotic death machines, you're going to have to find games that keep your mind sharp and capable of critical thinking. Try a challenging puzzle game like Pattern Factory, which improves both your intelligence and spatial reasoning skills as you play it. Then throw away those other apps that require absolutely no brain power to play. If you don't, you are simply not going to stand a chance when the robo-revolution comes! You've been warned!

01011000 01101111 01111000 01101111,

XKJS3000, your future robotic conqueror and overlord"

When Solon Beakerson stopped screaming “why why why” a couple hours ago, he gave us some advice on how to avoid our inevitable doom. "Look," he replied while arranging the desks in our office into some kind of fort, "We can either keep our minds sharp and active with games like Pattern Factory, or we can be conquered by hordes of robo-chopping, robo-flamethrowering, self-esteem-issued robots. I think the choice is clear. I personally am downloading Pattern Factory from Google Play as we speak!”

Readers that don't wish to be conquered by robots can find Pattern Factory on the Google Play store by searching for "Pattern Factory puzzle game" and looking for the blue machine icon, or by navigating directly to this URL: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.finaldave.patternfactory