16% Divorced, Widowed 40+ Dating Again Admit Added Date Targeting: Internet, Online Dating Propel Increase

CHICAGO - Oct. 2, 2014 - PRLog -- Daters must understand the differences between acceptable date targeting and illegal stalking and be doubly careful they aren’t pushed or pulled across the thin gray line separating them from finding the next great mate or becoming the next statistic.

Author Rand Deminc, who chronicles the practices of date targeters, scammers and stalkers in the book Tales of the Flipped Ditched & Anxious, found that slightly more than 16% of people aged 40-plus and dating again following a separation, divorce, becoming widowed or loss of a long term significant other said targeting a prospective date is a new addition to their social repertoire.

Deminc, co-director of a national study which provided exclusive data to the book, said participants of both genders - - men 24% and women 10% - - identified date targeting as one of the leading differences between dating now than during their younger years.

“The base number of those that targeted prospective dates as a teenager or younger adult from say 1970 or 1980 isn’t known, but with an estimated 8 million people between 40 and 74 separated, divorced or widowed actively dating in the U.S. alone there is an astounding sum of people today involved in the practice,” said Deminc.

“Stories and stats about innocent victims and also those that unwittingly become stalkers urge daters to have reservations - - more than just for dinner,” said Deminc.  “All should be apprehensive about the person on the other side of the table, sidling next to them in the booth or worse yet, watching from behind the column on the other side of the eatery. Targeters should be concerned about themselves being lured to the other side."

While every first date is the result of some form of targeting, most date targeting occurs safely within understood, but unwritten social norms. Healthy date targeting includes those met at an event or party, passed on the street, seen on a bus, train or plane and about whom there is a desire to know more for legit dating possibilities. Someone with a compelling online profile and photo might be added to a list of potentials.

It is believed the great majority fall into the category of the practical, safe daters and a sliver into the minority of those that gave rise to targeting as a four letter word and stalking as a criminal activity.

Targeters include those who may start with:

* A casual interest that goes nowhere;

* A casual interest that turns into a date or more;

* A casual interest that turns into an unhealthy obsession; or

* He or she of the pre-meditated sinister variety with no reservations about whom is imperiled or impaled when swooping into their lives.

Date targeter turns stalker when the allegedly obsessed or the purportedly sinister (Party A) crosses the thin gray line and “constantly follows, watches or communicates with” a reasonably fearful person (Party B) that doesn’t want to be pursued by (Party A).

The already thin gray line separating acceptable date targeting from stalking has narrowed as a result of the popularity of social media, which reportedly has contributed to a tripling of stalking incidences during a ten year period.

“People post truthful profiles and pics on Internet dating sites because they want to be found by trustworthy honest potential companions. In the absence of contact via emails, texts, phone calls or the dreaded direct personal contact, they are vulnerable not knowing whether they are being date targeted or potentially stalked,” said Deminc.

Daters are further influenced by online dating site operators who seduce many members and subscribers into believing stalking is permissible.

“It is no wonder that 41% of the over 40 who are single again after becoming divorced or widowed are not currently dating, preferring to watch from the sidelines,” Deminc added.

It is difficult to understand how one dating site operator, for instance, can entice daters with marketing messages encouraging them to “stalk safely” when the Federal Government, all 50 states, Washington, D.C., and many countries have laws against stalking.

“Sure, opportunities abound to meet the next great love, but so do the odds for meet-ups with the abnormal. One may meet someone of interest online, but just as likely meet someone of disinterest . . .or outright disgust,” said Deminc.

Daters must be continually on-guard, questioning intentions and vetting the information to divide fact from fantasy.

“If you are being courted, be careful not to become a victim. If you are a targeter, avoid crossing the thin gray line and becoming the perp hauled by the law enforcement officials before judge and jury,” Deminc advised.

Check http://www.DitchedAndAnxious.com for more information.

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Please note: “Date Targeting or Illegal Stalking? The Gray Area” is the fifth in a series of reports presented by Rand Deminc, author of “Tales of the Flipped Ditched & Anxious” and co-director of the “March Forth Dating Again Over 40 Relationship Study.” The book and study focus on significant topics relating to those 40 to 74 and beyond who are contending with the challenges of dating again as a result of a separation, divorce, becoming widowed or loss of a long-term significant other.

Additional resources on the topic of date targeting and stalking can be found at:

The National Center for Victims of Crime and The Stalking Resource Center:  www.victimsofcrime.org

Privacy Rights Clearinghouse:  www.privacyrights.org/

Bureau of Justice Statistics report on Stalking Victims in the United States:  http://www.bjs.gov/index.cfm?ty=pbdetail&iid=1211

March Forth Dating Again Over 40 Relationship Study:
www.DitchedAndAnxious.com

You Tube:  "Date Targeting versus Illegal Stalking: The Thin Gray Line" http://youtu.be/-n7G_nrzJs0