Study Reveals Blended Family 'Myth'

The results of a survey conducted by Stepdadding.com could change family and relationship experts’ understanding of the so-called ‘blended family.’
By: www.stepdadding.com
 
SOUTH LAKE TAHOE, Calif. - Oct. 3, 2013 - PRLog -- The one year study showed 81% of men who marry single moms don’t have kids of their own when they say ‘I do.” Only 7% of those who already had children, said their kids lived with them full time. “These results turn conventional wisdom on its head.” says Stacey James Wheeler, the survey author. “The term ‘blended family’ is a myth –or at least a misnomer. Most stepdads aren’t struggling to blend families. They’re struggling to be instant fathers -with no previous experience... and they're failing."

The survey results are interesting but can one nugget of information really make a difference? Wheeler says the study shows family and relationship experts have been working to fix the wrong problem. “There’s been too much emphasis on solving so-called ‘blended family’ problems. It turns out we’ve been focusing on the smaller issue.” says Wheeler. There’s no denying that blended families struggle. Experts around the world have wrestled with the challenge for years. As it turns out, true blended families represent less than one in five of all the families in this category. The problems that break up the other 80% of these couples have been largely ignored. If the high divorce rate is any indication, these couples need more help. “More than 2/3 of these marriages won’t last ten years.” says Wheeler. “Lowering the divorce rate by focusing on a small percentage of couples is like trying to treat obesity by banning sugary drinks. There’s a bigger problem we’re ignoring.”

So what is the bigger issue? The Stepdadding.com poll gives us the answer. Less than a third of the men in the survey said they felt appreciated. More than half said their parenting role wasn’t defined and they had regular arguments over how to raise the kids. These are sobering numbers. Unhappiness, quarreling and an undefined parenting role seem to be linked. The stress leven is high in these marriages. Remarried mothers are twice as likely to be left by their husbands “The challenge is how to help new stepdads settle into their parenting role.” says Wheeler. “Most of these guys have never been a parent and don’t take the time to talk about it with their partner before joining the family... It's like jumping on a moving train.” In what seems to be the ultimate on-the-job training, most new Stepdads have to learn how to be a parent without understanding what’s expected of them. “These guys wrestle with how to make it work and most of them quit before they figure out how.” says Wheeler.

Though the study results expose a fallacy, Wheeler says the findings are positive. He believes the information will help couples understand the roadblocks and avoid them. “It’s obvious communication is the cure.” says Wheeler. “We’ve put too much emphasis on solving blended family problems and not enough on instant-father struggles.” It seems like a simple formula: If couples talk about the husband’s role and the wife’s expectations men are less likely to leave. “We’re all so busy nowadays. Some things are worth taking the time for.” says Wheeler. “If every couple took a few weekends to plan and talk about these issues before they got married, more couples would avoid divorce.”

The full results of the survey have been posted at stepdadding.com's news page (http://stepdadding.com/?p=2197).
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Source:www.stepdadding.com
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Tags:Blended Family, Step-dad, Divorce Rates, Single Mother, Blended Family Myth
Industry:Society, Lifestyle
Location:South Lake Tahoe - California - United States
Subject:Reports
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