By Craig Hill; 216 pages
Regular Price: $15.00
Ice Cream Wars: A Parable about Relational Communication
By Craig Hill; 1 DVD teaching
Regular Price: $10.00
Excerpt from Craig Hill’s Blog “Breaking the Code” published on July 18, 2013.
“I just don’t understand. I’m such a nice guy. I’m trying my best to be a good husband, but every time we talk she criticizes me and ends up in tears. What’s wrong with her?”
“How could I have married such an insensitive man? I thought he loved me, but every time we talk, he always has to be right, and then he makes me feel like a worthless failure.”
Sound familiar? Well, it sure does to Jan and me. For the first seven years of our marriage, many of our conversations ended with those kinds of feelings. After a while, we each began to build walls that we hoped would protect us from the pain and hurt. As you might guess, it didn’t work.
Our marriage could have degenerated into a lifeless, endurance contest like so many other couples. But finally, through a revelation of God’s Word we were able to break the code of communications that restored the life and excitement to our marriage.
Although the code was a mystery to us, it’s one that the devil has understood for thousands of years. He has turned that knowledge into a scheme that he uses to destroy relationship between co-workers, friends and family – and especially husband and wife.
Could there be more to a conversation than the subject that is being discussed? Has the devil been using a crafty scheme to turn people against each other through their words, even without their knowledge? Well, if you believe the Word of God is true, then you can come to no other conclusion.
There are things going on in the spirit realm that cannot be seen any more than you can see a wireless internet signal. When the signal is interpreted through the computer the image becomes visible on the screen. And when your words are interpreted through the heart and soul of another person they become visible by their reactions.
Most women intuitively understand this principle while most men do not. They get the fact that there are two very different levels of communication. I call the first the topical level of communication and the second, which is just beneath and even more important, the relational level.
It’s why your wife might say, “It’s not what you said, but the way you said it,” (relational level) and why the husband responds, “You always take what I say the wrong way, and then criticize me” (topical level).
Where does the devil enter this picture? He enters at ground zero, the relational level. He doesn’t care what you actually say although that’s very important. He is more interested in what you are communicating spirit to spirit.
If you believe the devil’s lie, that the other person is at fault and that he or she is the real problem, then he’s got you. Why? Because in time you’ll become bitter, resentful and angry toward that person. And then, no matter what you say, your non-verbal communication will reveal your heart and the relationship with that person will begin to be destroyed.
Once you realize that the enemy who comes to steal, kill, and destroy, is using your blindness to do so, it changes your perspective and your words. It certainly did for Jan and me. You will stop seeing the other person as the enemy. You will be able to walk in grace toward them in word and deed. And you’ll reserve your anger for the real enemy, the devil.
I hope I have challenged you to learn more about these two levels of communication. To help you, please order my book on marriage entitled, Two Fleas & No Dogs. When you order I will include a copy of my DVD called, “Ice Cream Wars.” It will bless you and help you understand the power and importance of your words.
I am offering the book and DVD as a package for a suggested donation of $15 or more. You can order by clicking here (https://www.familyfoundations-
- Craig Hill
About the Author
Having a specific interest in ministering to marriages and families, Craig pursued an internship and later a volunteer staff position at the New Life Counseling Center in Denver. He subsequently taught counseling and missions on the faculty of the Marilyn Hickey Bible College. In 1987, the Lord raised up Craig as Senior Pastor of a local church where he and Jan served for seven and a half years, until he was called by God to devote his full-time energy to the ministry of Family Foundations International. (http://www.familyfoundations.com/