Empathy: strength or a weakness

NEW YORK - June 11, 2013 - PRLog -- Is empathy an asset or does it make us appear ineffective, weak or indecisive?
Can we be taken advantage and become a victim if we show empathy?
Do we become defenseless if expressing empathy?
If empathic, will our good judgment of others suffer?

Negatude Leadership: “I don’t trust you” approach

Very often managers or leaders believe that if we show understanding for another • person’s feelings they will:
• become less respected
• people will perceive them to be too weak and gullible
• easily be taken advantage of.

In business environment many believe that the company’s productivity and discipline will suffer if we show the empathy in the workplace. Employees will feel not responsive to their bosses’ demands because employees will perceive managers sensitivity as a sign of weakness and hence sabotage workplace discipline and effective work productivity. Series of studies show that ineffective managers, who make up half of the today’s organizational management pool, also lack the empathy.

Lack of empathy encourages criticism, non-acceptance and callousness towards others. Interestingly to note, people who look down upon empathy are not only tough on others but are tough on themselves as well. They usually carry an overinflated image of themselves as invincible and perfect. By and large they have difficulty to express care, trust and compassionate feelings. In order to hide and deflect their exaggerated fear of making mistakes their focus is riveted on what others didn’t do well and why others are continually at fault. Their target is continuously focused on other people’s mistakes and made up weaknesses rather than on their strengths and accomplishments.

Thinking without empathy is fear driven thinking and is based on exaggerated assumptions that to express carrying is to be exposed to abuse and chicanery. Hence an exaggerated intensity of threat is experienced as true, and checking whether this assumption is real or false is ignored and suppressed.

UPtitude leadership: “I am glad I can understand you” approach

Many studies show that managers who empathize skillfully with their employees rate higher for job performance by their bosses. Empathizing with employees inspires loyalty and dedication, by the workers, to the company and its goals.

Empathy is the ability to step into someone else’s shoes hence becoming aware of other’s feelings and understanding their needs.

Emphatic managers/leaders are good listeners. Their leadership style can make everyone feel like a team consequently increasing productivity, morale and loyalty. Because, as Theodor Roosevelt states, “Nobody cares how much we know until they know how much we care” when leader shows empathy it makes then not only to be well liked but respected as well.

People who are highly empathic are:
• liked by people
• enjoy working and helping others and
• value people as individuals.

Empathy takes work. Demonstrating empathy takes time and effort to show awareness and understanding. It’s not always easy to understand why an employee thinks or feels the way they do about a situation.

Being empathic entails putting others ahead of us by:
• listening actively without interrupting, talking down to, dismissing, reprimanding or ignoring
• showing genuine interest in the needs, hopes and dreams of other people
• willing to help an employee with personal problems
• conveying compassion when others disclose  personal loss
• putting oneself in the person’s situation and imagining how we would go through the same situation
• asking questions that allows the person to express themselves completely without restricting them with only “yes” or “no“ answers
• keeping in mind that whatever we hear from the person isn’t about us only rather it’s about that person primarily
• accepting anything the person says as their reality rather then personalizing and penalizing the other by becoming reactive or resentful to the received information
encouraging to find and understand the root cause behind poor performance without needling remarks
• helping struggling employees to improve and excel, and
allowing to feel safe when failing rather then blaming and/or ostracizing.

So, it’s all in our UPtitude, or as Johan Wolfgang Goethe’s said: ”if we wish to know the mind of a man, listen to him.” This will open us to learn, appreciate and know our failures as well as our successes with honesty and humility. This UPtitude will nurture empathy and connectedness to self and others around us even in challenging situations.

About Dr. Ivan Kos
Author, Dr. Ivan Kos is a fellow of the American Psychological Association and a member of the International Association of Applied Psychology, among others, and lives in New York City.  Originator of the Fear Stage Theory (FST), he is also the author of "To Dare: It is Easier to Succeed than To Fail" which offers an antidote that empowers people with the ability to learn from fear, overcome negativity, and transform lives.

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