Bullying and Teenagers: Tips for Parents

MIAMI - March 21, 2013 - PRLog -- What is Bullying?

It is important for all children and teenagers to learn to respect the rights of others despite any differences that make them vulnerable or part of a small minority.Bullying is a form of abuse.  It happens when an individual or group repeatedly uses physical or social advantages to physically, emotionally, or socially harm another individual or group.  

Physical: Hitting, punching, kicking
Verbal:  Name calling, teasing, making fun of people
Social:  Starting rumors, social exclusion

Bullying can happen through computers and the internet, referred to as “cyber-bullying”.  This includes actions like sending insulting messages or posting humiliating stories on Facebook.  Girls are more likely to report being targets of rumor spreading and sexual comments.

Bullying is also more common than you might think with 15% - 25% of U.S. students reporting being bullied with some frequency.  Bullying is also prohibited in Florida by Florida Statute Section # 1006.147.

The Effects of Bullying on Teenagers.

Victimized teenagers are at increased risk for:

-Mental health problems (e.g., suicide, social withdrawal, depression, anxiety)
-Physical complaints (e.g., headaches, stomach aches)
-Academic problems

A teenager who is being bullied might:
-Come home with torn, damaged, or missing pieces of clothing, books, or other belongings
-Have unexplained cuts, bruises, and scratches
-Have few, if any, friends with whom he or she spends time
-Seem afraid of going to school, walking to and from school, riding the school bus, or taking part in organized activities with peers (such as clubs)
-Take a long, “illogical” route when walking to or from school
-Lose interest in school work or suddenly begins to do poorly in school
-Appear sad, moody, teary, or depressed when he or she comes home
-Complain frequently of headaches, stomachaches, or other physical ailments
-Have trouble sleeping or has frequent bad dreams
-Experience a loss of appetite
-Appear anxious and suffer from low self-esteem

Helping Adolescents Who Have Been Bullied

First, focus on your teen. Be supportive and gather information about the bullying. Never tell your teen to ignore the bullying. What the teenager may "hear" is that you are going to ignore it. If the child were able to simply ignore it, he or she likely would not have told you about it. Often, trying to ignore bullying allows it to become more serious.

Don't blame the teenager who is being bullied. Don't assume that your teen did something to provoke the bullying. Don't say, "What did you do to aggravate the other kid?" Ask him/her to describe who was involved and how and where each bullying episode happened. Learn as much as you can about the bullying tactics used, and when and where the bullying happened.

Empathize with your teenager. Tell him/her that bullying is wrong, not his/her fault, and that you are glad he or she had the courage to tell you about it. Ask your teen what he or she thinks can be done to help. Assure him or her that you will think about what needs to be done and you will let him or her know what you are going to do.

Do not encourage physical retaliation ("Just hit them back") as a solution. Hitting another student is not likely to end the problem, and it could get your teenager suspended or expelled or escalate the situation.

Check your emotions. A parent's protective instincts stir strong emotions. Although it is difficult, parents are wise to step back and consider the next steps carefully.

Contact your Child's Teacher or Principal

Parents are often reluctant to report bullying to school officials, but bullying might not stop without the help of adults. Call or set up an appointment to talk with your teenager's teacher. He or she will probably be in the best position to understand the relationships between your teenager and his or her peers at school. Keep your emotions in check. Give factual information about your teenager's experience of being bullied including who, what, when, where, and how.

Ask the teacher to talk with other adults who interact with your teenager at school (such as the music teacher, physical education teacher, or bus driver) to see whether they have observed students bullying your teenager. Emphasize that you want to work with the staff at school to find a solution to stop the bullying, for the sake of your teenager as well as other students. Schools can develop policies to create a caring environment and employ evidence-based strategies to prevent bullying.

If you are not comfortable talking with your teenager's teacher, or if you are not satisfied with the conversation, make an appointment to meet with your teen's guidance counselor or principal to discuss your concerns.

Do not contact the parents of the student(s) who bullied your teenager. This is usually a parent's first response, but sometimes it makes matters worse. School officials should contact the parents of the teenager or children who did the bullying.

Commit to making the bullying stop. Talk regularly with your teenager and with school staff to see whether the bullying has stopped. If the bullying persists, contact school authorities again.

Help your child become more resistant to bullying.

Help to develop talents or positive attributes of your teenager. Suggest and facilitate music, athletics, and art activities. Doing so may help your child be more confident among his or her peers.

Encourage your teenager to make contact with friendly students in his or her class. Your teenager's teacher may be able to suggest students with whom your teen can make friends, spend time, or collaborate on work. Help your teenager meet new friends outside of the school environment. A new environment can provide a "fresh start" for a teenager who has been bullied repeatedly.

Teach your teenager safety strategies. Teach him or her how to seek help from an adult when feeling threatened by a bully. Talk about whom he or she should go to for help and role-play what he or she should say. Assure your teenager that reporting bullying is not the same as sniching.

Ask yourself if your child is being bullied because of a learning difficulty or a lack of social skills. If your child is hyperactive, impulsive, or overly talkative, the child who bullies may be reacting out of annoyance. This doesn't make the bullying right, but it may help to explain why your child is being bullied. If your child easily irritates people, seek help from a counselor so that your child can better learn the informal social rules of his or her peer group.

Make sure your teenager has a safe and loving home environment where he or she can take shelter, physically and emotionally. Always maintain open lines of communication with your teenager.

By Miguel Brown
Registered Marriage and Family Therapist
Miami Teen Counseling
http://miamiteencounseling.com