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Late One Night As I Went to the Bathroom
Late one night,
And way before light,
I got up quite drowsily
And stumbled through the dark,
As a neighbor’s dog barked,
To the bathroom to set myself free;
But inside my head
Was this recurring dread
As I nudged the door wearily;
For the bathroom, I knew,
Was for the courageous and few
As I roused from my slumber, just barely.
In the blackest of dark,
My eyes swam like a shark
As a clatter brought inward alarm;
And as I fumbled for the light,
I prepared to take flight
From whatever was about to do harm.
As my ears perked like a deer’s
To my worsening fears,
Again, it ignited my dread,
And as I clicked on the light,
I beheld such a sight
That nevermore shall escape from my head.
To my heart-pounding soul,
Atop the toilet bowl
Stood a squirrel with a toilet bowl brush
Who to its bucky-toothed lips,
After doing three flips,
Raised its finger and beckoned me hush.
As I stood paralyzed,
Enthralled by its eyes,
It winked and then scurried away,
But the bathroom now gleamed
With such immaculate clean—
The likes I have not seen to this day.
But later that night,
And still way before light,
I drowsily went back to bed,
But in distress I awoke,
Shaken up by my folks
Who shrieked with a mortal-type dread.
I stood in their room,
Understanding their doom,
For their bathroom, too, had been cleaned,
And while mother’s eyes twitched,
Father stood there bewitched
By the squirrel they’d obviously seen.
So, I patted their heads
To dispel all their dreads,
For not an ounce of alarm I possessed,
And as the neighbor’s dog barked,
I peered through the dark
Remembering fondly my magical guest.
That morning, we agreed
Not to mention its deed,
As my parents paced nervously ‘round,
For as miraculous as it was,
It could create quite a buzz—
This darned squirrel could take us all down.
So we all shut our yaps,
And laid plenty of traps,
But the squirrel was nevermore seen—
Though our bathroom kept shinin’
Like a glorious diamond,
Especially atop the latrine.
This tale I now tell,
For I’m old and unwell,
And my parents have long passed to the Light,
But their headstones still gleam
As if routinely being cleaned
By that squirrel we saw one strange night.
“Shall it ever return?”
Is a question that burns
Every night as I slumber in bed
Just awaiting that rush
Of its toilet-cleaning brush
And the wink from its bucky-toothed head.
But I’ve learned many things
Beyond toilet bowl rings—
Things greater than money and power;
For I’ve learned that God above
Is immaculate in all His love,
And I learned it from a squirrel that cleans showers.
-Me Who That's Who, Copyright 2012