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New Packers Ownership Group Announces Ambitious Plans

Cheese-Turf, Brat-Mobile Fleet Among Proposed Initiatives to Enhance the Fan Experience, Community Outreach and Civic Impact

Jan. 12, 2012 - PRLog -- A new ownership group for the Green Bay Packers professional football franchise announced a series of bold initiatives to position the team for continued success.  The proposed funding package features upgrades to the Packers Lambeau Field home in Green Bay, Wisconsin and other targeted investments designed to leverage the brand equity of the Packers storied franchise.  Announcing the endeavor at the offices of Strategic Consulting & Methodology in Hagerstown, Maryland, VP Kurt Redenbo highlighted benefits to the Packers, their fans and the broader football community.  “The activities identified in the Comprehensive Underwriting for Resource Development (‘CURD’) Project have tremendous positive implications,” said Redenbo.  

State-of-the Art Turf at Lambeau Field  
A case in point, he noted, is the recommended replacement of the Packers grass field with Cheese-Turf®, a proprietary all-natural cheddar cheese based surface.  “Cheese-Turf is truly revolutionary in that it dramatically reduces on-field injuries.  Our initial testing indicates that the ‘give’ of this surface can minimize concussive ground impact by nearly 80 percent.  This has direct ramifications for player longevity, which in turn protects shareholder value and the quality of the fan experience.”  

The ownership group cited other advantages of the novel playing surface.  “It is markedly less expensive to install and maintain than natural grass or other artificial surfaces,” remarked Dr. Gregg Mitchell, Chief Applications Engineer.  “The raw cheese input can be sourced from Wisconsin’s robust dairy farming sector.  Further, there are many in-state processors with the engineering know-how and production capacity to meet the precise technical specifications and output demands, respectively, for Cheese-Turf,” Mitchell added.  He also noted its environmental attributes, in that no fertilizers or pesticides are required to maintain the field.  “Simply put,” he said, “our yellow field is green.”  

Bringing the Packers Family Together
The ambitions of the CURD Project extend beyond infrastructure improvements.  The new ownership team expressed its commitment to delivering the game day experience to fans throughout Green Bay who are unable to afford or obtain Packers tickets.  “The Brat-Mobile is an experiential breakthrough for all who love the sights, sounds and smells of football,” commented Redenbo. “We modeled it after the successful Bookmobile concept, which as many adults may recall brought the resources of the public library to the neighborhoods of urban areas.  Our fleet of Brat-Mobiles will deploy across Green Bay each game day as a means for neighbors to come together to enjoy Packers football and celebrate hometown pride.”   While full details are not yet available, a prototype included a 25’ grill area for preparing brats, knockwurst and Italian sausage; a stainless steel vat for deep frying cheese wheels; a 500 gallon Kegerator in the shape of the Lombardi Trophy, and a retractable 30’ projector screen for live ‘brat-casts’ of Packers games.    

“Not surprisingly, a key issue that surfaced in focus group sessions for the Brat-Mobile was that of adequate restroom facilities,” noted Grant Wheeler, Manager of Homeland Hospitality Logistics.  “The idea behind the Brat-Mobile is to have neighbors gather on the street, similar to a block party.  Focus group participants, especially males over 40 years of age, were troubled by the idea of having to run home or behind a neighbor’s hedge after every other beer.”  Conservatively speaking, Wheeler said, that would mean roughly 37 round-trips during every Brat-Mobile tailgate event; requiring not only great physical stamina but creating the possibility of missing critical stretches of the game.  The solution, he pointed out, was to replicate and improve upon the high-volume facilities of sports stadiums.  Each Brat-Mobile will tow behind it an industrial-grade trough urinal.  For female fans the vehicle will include a separate restroom facility influenced by the French palace at Versailles – complete with carpeting and sofas adorned in lush green hues; and toilet seats, wash basins and hand dryers crafted in a sparkling yellow gold.    

Restoring America through Packers Pride
The new ownership group underscored their conviction that professional sports teams also should be a voice for social progress and civility in America.  “More than any team in sports, the Green Bay Packers embody the virtues of hard work, pride and integrity.  These are qualities that people everywhere can relate to, with the likely exception of our elected representatives to the U.S. Congress,” Redenbo stated.  For precisely this reason the group announced intentions to harness the awe-inspiring power of the Packers legendary coach, Vince Lombardi, to motivate Congress into positive public action.  

Specific plans include constructing a large multi-media tower directly across the street from the U.S. Capitol building. Combining the Packers team colors and Macintosh® audio and visual capabilities, the “Mac-and-Cheese Tower” will emit a booming recording of the beloved Packers coach most famous side-line utterance, “What the hell is going on out there?!”  The 130 decibel recording will be repeated at five-minute intervals each day Congress is in session, augmented by a 75 foot-tall display of Coach Lombardi.  “We are convinced that the looming presence of Coach Lombardi will shame Congress into working together for the benefit of all Americans,” noted Manager of Global Media, Alek Redenbo.  “Even if they start small by showing up for work more than three months a year, that would be a positive step.  Eventually Congress will operate effectively and give Americans reason to watch something other than football on TV.”  The ownership team admitted that for the foreseeable future this prospect was about as likely as the Washington Redskins reaching .500 or the Chicago Bears playing in January.        

Setting the Offensive Plan in Motion
The new ownership group seeks to implement the CURD Project in time for the 2012/2013 season.  “The ball is in the proverbial red zone,” said Redenbo.  “Our rigorous due diligence process has concluded that the concept portfolio is sound from a legal, ethical, historical, geological, astrological, metaphysical and even financial perspective.”  With one full share of Packers stock each, Mitchell and the Redenbo family hinted at establishing a voting-share block to ensure plan approval.  The group seeks to secure a 10-minute slot at the 2012 shareholders meeting in Green Bay to present additional project details using what they described as, “the most current overhead projector technology.”

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Source:Strategic Consulting & Methodology
Location:United States
Industry:Marketing, Sports
Tags:Football, Packers, Cheese, Congress, Green Bay, Maryland, Bratwurst
Last Updated:Jan 14, 2012
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