“Are you qualified for the journey?” He asks. “Please present your legitimate passport and valid visa.” He commands. Oh, that recurring nightmare…! Did I forget my passport?! Again?! Do I have a passport, or a visa? Yes, sir,” I reply faking assurance;
“I’m qualified, but in human land they give no visas to exiles.” “I see,” he responds in an attentive, ironic way. “If exceptionally I allow you to pass, where will you be staying?”
“In inner peace, and love when I find it.” “Who is hosting the event?” “My earth, universe, and heavenly angels.” “Did you travel alone?” “Without a shadow, gracious creature, from darkness till dawn.” “Do you have an invitation?” “Yes, but it’s invisible to the two bare eyes;
I’m sure you’ve seen one of those before, sir!” But he’s not buying, and I’m not shying.
“Just let me go, I beg you,” in a soundless, frustrated scream, I stare. But he stares fearlessly back, and solicits: “This is no playground, child of life. Now if you can assume what you presume, tell me: Are you aware of the consequences of your reverie?
What can you afford to lose for such a journey? What are you willing to give up for the freedom of a footloose nomad? How long will you be attracted to such a life?
Do you have it in you to face the expedition’s acute inconveniences?
First days, you will be faced with loneliness, sadness, weakness, then helplessness, followed by a collapsing depression; ‘Not to be taken with alcohol.’
A few months later, even years, while enjoying the above, you will find yourself in poverty, insecurity, and utter instability. In the mid of oceans, you will find yourself struggling for endurance, bathing in typhoons, and if fortunate, sometime a sunlit breeze; friends from heaven might sustain you, but your faith must be powerful and the world can tease.
You shall not doubt even while drowning, do you have that unconditional belief?!
You will be whipped for that unseen vision, humiliated, and called vicious names.
While you travel your own way, they all live the same routine of the day.
You will even be more apart, confused with a rejected heart. And in your journey, you’ll receive a thousand stones, venomous arrows from their eyes to your bones.
Killing your daemons is your greatest self-oaths, finding yourself naked without your ghosts, sacrificing your dark force, praying to the true light source, to find your reason, to find your course. Faith, little flower! Do you have its roots? Hope, delicate soul! Is it still etched in your name?
No more lusting after the trivial, you are standing in the quadrivial. Up or down? East or west? Make your choice! Be my guest!
Are you sure it’s self-conquest that you’re after? And it’s not your quibbling self that is the drafter? If confident, are you still eager to go? When do you want to leave? Are you ready now?!”
Too many questions doorkeeper, damn it! Stop heckling me! Too much for my weary, brittle mind! This eclipse has outstayed its purpose, I can hear the darkness capering around me. Just let me pass please! Then leave me alone! I need light! I have nothing left here. Goodnight. Let me go to sleep to dream of the other world, I sense,
But a response, I astonish myself and utter:
“Right you are, Mr. Persecutor, I have no a defence to present. But can I maybe bribe you with a potential thorny crown in the skies? Or, that, you might resent!
More veneration perhaps, or is it statistical proof you need? Or simply a new house with a translucent roof, do I mislead? Oh, come on now, let me through. I’m really tired, don’t be aloof!”
But he is brooding through me in stillness, and who said silence is consent! Not so many people travel this road and subsist, but me in agony, I know, It’s time for one of my steps with the natural extension.
In the gates of crossroads I stand, not knowing where to go. I’m just certain that I have to leave my present place and ways.
But He is holding me the wrong way, He is holding me back.
Annexe 2: Platinum gateway 31st of July 2008
Or was it I? Clinging to my survival holding myself back! I saw a fortified platinum gate sliding in the midst of deserts shutting. So I ran to the magical door leading to the world beyond, yearning to get to the other side, still wondering, what does a gate stand for in the midst of nowhere?! Suddenly I heard a soundless, loving voice screaming: Stop!! Don’t you cross that line! My mind now knows I have nothing to lose; why not run to the unknown new world? But I had to listen, I always trusted that utter.
The last bit of exit is closing, sliding against my thin garments and skin! As I let my face touch that metallic steel, I felt I had to glance in, to see what it is that the voice is protecting me from.
And there were dozens of hungry wolves, roaring, inviting me in...