Dealing With An Angry Child or Teen

So, the first step toward helping your child manage his anger is to understand that it's OK to be angry. It's a normal, human emotion. What you need to do is help your child learn how to channel that anger in a more productive way.
By: shane Porter – Chief Executive Officer
 
April 22, 2011 - PRLog -- At the Counseling Center of New Smyrna Beach http://www.ccnsb.com our therapist are often asked, what is the best way to cope with my child’s behavior? Dealing with an angry child can be one of the most difficult aspects of parenting. You may find yourself constantly battling, and constantly exhausted, after repeated battles that you eventually win only because you hold the trump card - Because I said so.

Winning a battle of wills with your child simply by tossing your ace on top doesn't leave you with a feeling of confidence in your parenting abilities. After the battle is over, you often feel ashamed of yourself for handling it that way.

Many of us, as children, are taught that it's wrong to get angry, that being angry is bad, or, that if we're angry, we must have done something to deserve it. These kind of mistaken beliefs are what make it so difficult for us to deal with our children when they become angry.

So, the first step toward helping your child manage his anger is to understand that it's OK to be angry. It's a normal, human emotion. What you need to do is help your child learn how to channel that anger in a more productive way.

There are many things in our adult lives that make us angry. Standing in line at the grocery store, mistakes at work, flat tires on the highway. We need to remember that there are many things in our children’s lives that make them angry too, and allow them to feel those feelings of anger, but show them acceptable ways of expressing it.

Children generally respond with anger because they feel helpless. Their chubby little fingers can't seem to make that bow in the shoelace. Or they can't figure out how to button their coat. They also feel like they are helpless against you. They have to go to bed when you tell them; they have to eat their veggies. They have no control, therefore they feel helpless.

It's important to remember that anger isn't the same thing as aggression. Anger is a temporary emotional state caused by frustration, while aggression is often an attempt to hurt someone or destroy property. Let your child know that it's OK to feel angry, but aggression is definitely not allowed.

Ten tips to deal with angry children

1) Acknowledge and reinforce positive behavior  
I'm glad you shared your train with your brother. Thank you for hanging up your coat. I like the way you handled your brother when he took your doll away. You were really patient while I was on the phone. Now, what was it that you wanted to ask me? This lets your child know that you appreciate and expect positive behavior.

2) Ignore inappropriate behavior that you can tolerate.  Nagging while you're on the phone can be dealt with positive reinforcement.  Thank you for waiting while I was talking on the phone. I'm finished now, so what did you need? and then ignore the behavior that you don't like, ignore your child's interruptions while you're on the phone. Now, you'll probably say that if you ignore them they only scream louder. But, they scream louder because they know they will always get your attention. Ignore their inappropriate behavior and they'll get the message.

3) Just Say no! - Your child needs limits and you should set those limits and enforce them consistently. Don't say no all the time though. Say yes every now and then, when it's appropriate, and let them know why it's OK for this one time.

4) Your child needs exercise.  When we adults get angry, we sometimes need a physical outlet for that anger. We jog, we take a walk around the block, and we go to the gym and hit the Stairmaster with a vengeance. Your child needs an outlet, too. Let them run around and make a little noise for a while to let off some of that steam. They're in danger of erupting just as much as you are.

5) Group Hug
Keep in mind that a hug is a powerful emotional band-aid for a child. Don't hug your child, though, to make the anger go away. Hug him to let him know you understand why he's angry and that you take it very seriously.

6) Show interest in your child's activities. Attention and pride can often make it easier for your child to deal with negative emotions. When he does experience failures and frustration, knowing that you love him and you're proud of him will make these negative feelings much less significant to your child. Sometimes children express anger in an aggressive way to attract attention from their parents. If they already have your attention, then won't need the aggressive behavior.

7) Use humor to diffuse anger.
Humor lightens any stressful situation, even for kids. Don't use humor to ridicule your child, though, use it to make light of the situation and put it into perspective. I know you're angry at that little girl for calling you names, but doesn't it make you wonder just what a purple jimmy jaws looks like!

8) When situations change, tell your child directly.
If you normally let your child play his drum in the living room in the afternoon and you all of a sudden send him to his room he's going to get angry. But if you explain to him that you have a headache and that, just for today, you need him to play quietly in his room; you can diffuse that anger and also teach him a lesson in compassion at the same time.

9) Use all your parenting skills.
If your child is in the middle of a tantrum that he's unable to stop on his own, pick him up and restrain him. Not only for his own safety, but to let him know that it's OK to step away from the situation if need be. If you have to bargain with your child to get him to stop screaming, then do it occasionally. As adults, we reward ourselves at the end of a long, hard day. Your child deserves a reward, too, sometimes.

10) Most of all, remember that your child learns his anger management techniques from you.
If you curse when you're angry, so will he. If you throw things when you're angry, you can bet he will, too. And if you strike him in anger, he'll repeat the cycle with his own children. Teach your child from a very young age how to handle his anger and you'll be better preparing him for his future.

How To Handle Your Angry Teen

It happens almost over night. One night, you're reading them a bedtime story and they adore you, and the next night they are a teenager and they hate the fact that you even exist!  Welcome to Teenage Anger. You're not the first parent to experience it, and you certainly won't be the last.

First, you need to understand that your teen's anger isn't directed at you personally.  Teenagers these days have a tremendous amount of stress from sources that were unheard of when we were kids. Texting and Facebook alone are enough to drive anyone crazy. Not to mention the physiological changes your teen is going through.

You need to handle your teen's outbursts a little differently than you handle your toddler's though. Let your teen know that, while it's all right to express anger, aggression is unacceptable behavior. And then stop thinking about yourself. Stop wondering why your teens are disrespecting you; stop worrying about why they only ignore you. Start putting yourself in their shoes and consider all of the pressures they're facing from school and friends and their own bodies.

Once you stop worrying about how they're treating you, you can step back and see more of what they're actually going through. You'll be able to communicate with them, to talk with them instead of at them. You're relationship probably won't be like any of those storybook relationships but you'll be helping your teens learn how to handle their anger just by showing them how you handle yours.


If we can help please call at 386.423.9161

At CCSNB or the Counseling Center of New Smyrna Beach we treat your patients, your neighbors and loved ones, the ones who need help, innovative and expert care.

CCNSB - Innovative Care by Expert Clinicians
Serving All Ages and All Issues.

Children, Teens, Couples, Adults, Seniors, Substance Abuse,
Testing and Medication Management

# # #

DocGreet.com is a revolutionary new concept in physician-to-physician social media as well as physician to patient contact and marketing. We have seamlessly brought together all of your needs in one central location docgreet.com
End
Source:shane Porter – Chief Executive Officer
Email:***@docgreet.com Email Verified
Zip:32169
Tags:Counseling, Therapy, Psychology, Psychiatry, Christian Counseling, Couples Counseling, Family Counseling
Industry:Family, Health, Medical
Location:New Smyrna Beach - Florida - United States
Account Email Address Verified     Account Phone Number Verified     Disclaimer     Report Abuse
DocGreet Inc. News
Trending
Most Viewed
Daily News



Like PRLog?
9K2K1K
Click to Share