"Outrageous Accusations and Damnable Lies" Available on CreateSpace and Amazon

Feb. 9, 2011 - PRLog -- Bill Schmalfeldt's website, Musings of a Parky Pundit (http://parkypundit.com), claims to be all about his life as a guy with Parkinson's disease and "the other crap that annoys me."  In his previous book, "Put On Your Parky Face" (available at http://www.parkypundit.com/buy-a-book-fund-pd-research/) Schmalfeldt discusses his 11-year (so far) battle with the progressively degenerative neurological disease.  (100% of author proceeds were donated to Parkinson's disease research charities.)

His new book, "Outrageous Accusations and Damnable Lies" (available through his website, http://parkypundit.com, as well as through CreateSpace and Amazon) is all about all the OTHER crap that annoys him.

In the preface to his book, the 56-year old Elkridge, Md. man writes:

"I enjoy writing.  At this point in my progressive decline, it’s still something I can do fairly well. And I particularly enjoy writing satire. Particularly political satire. Particularly satire that perforates the smug attitude of the American Conservative mindset. I find fault with almost everyone! (Makes me a fun guy to hang out with!) The "religiofascist" and the assured atheist are just as likely to suffer under my keyboard. Anyone who thinks he or she knows ANYTHING for an absolute certainty and beyond questioning is a target. If you read an essay here that annoys or inflames you… good. Read the next essay. You might like that one. Or, at any rate, you’ll have something to think about."

On his website, Schmalfeldt offers some excerpts from his new book.

From the essay, “Right Wing Scrambles to Reassign Blame for Tucson Tragedy.” (p.19)

   My, my, MY! There’s one thing a hate speaker hates more than anything else and that’s to be identified as a hate speaker! Just like racists get ALL KINDS of sore when you call them racists, when you call a hate speaker on his or her hate speech, it gets them riled up like a nest of hornets gettin’ hit with a stick.

From the essay, “It’s Not the Crosshairs, it’s the Constant Calls for Violence.” (p. 23)

   This sudden, vicious, deadly attack in Tucson — whether or NOT it was inspired by the right’s constant drone of paranoid fantasies about “taking back America” — it shines a light on the filthy kitchen floor that is the current state of right wing politics in America.

   And my, how the cockroaches SCATTER when the light comes on.  (Hey, when I was younger I could only afford the rent for some really cheap apartments.)

From the essay “Blood Libel Graduates to ‘Pogrom’ Status Against Palin, Conservatives” (p.43)

   Conservatives don’t think you really appreciate the extent to which they were critically wounded by the shooting last Saturday in Tucson.

   Never mind the congresswoman lying in the hospital with a hole going from the front to the back of her head, struggling to understand what happened to her. Never mind the six who were killed, including a federal judge and a nine-year old girl. Never mind the wounded who will live with their scars forever.

   Dammit! The REAL victims here are Sarah Palin and the conservative hate machine.

From the essay, “The Right Wing Celebration of Dumb*ssery and the Danger it Presents to America” (p. 57)

   But then, last night as I was drifting off to sleep, part of what Limbaugh said popped into my consciousness.

   …it was all the things the educated, ruling class wants their members to be and sound like…

   Wait a minute, I thought… Did Crush Bimbo just slam the concept of “education”?  Did he just put the hammer down on “educated people?”

From the essay, “Stupid is the New Smart” (pp. 107-108)

   Yesterday on the House floor, Iowa congressman Steve King, while defending his Republican colleagues, actually spoke  – “declaring that Speaker and Majority Leader had ‘established their integrity and their mendacity for years in this Congress.’”

   Well, I suppose you CAN have integrity and mendacity at the same time, if you can be relied upon for your tendency to lie…

   If I were Congressman King, I’d watch what I say around Speaker Boehner.  I mean, have you SEEN the SIZE of that GAVEL??

From the essay “Sarah Palin® Wants to Trademark® her Name®” (pp. 113-114)

   Gosh, if I’m gonna keep writing satirical essays about idiots, dumb*sses, knuclkeheads and morons, I’d better find out where the ® key is on this thing.

   Sarah Palin wants to trademark her name!  Not just hers, either.  Bristol’s, too!

From the essay, “Are Tea Partiers Content to Ride the Short Bus with Michelle Bachmann?” (p. 131)

   You began waxing nostalgic about the early days of our union and the founding fathers…

   “It didn’t matter the color of their skin; it didn’t matter their language; it didn’t matter their economic status; it didn’t matter whether they descended from nobility or were of a higher class or a lower class. It made made no difference; once you got here we were all the same.”

   It didn’t matter one bit, Michelle!  Even though the lighter skinned arrivals came over in relative luxury and of their own free will, whereas their darker brothers and sisters were captured in nets like animals, chained together below decks, laying in their own filth, to be sold at marketplaces on their arrival — like cattle.

From the essay, “Sarah Palin Wins the Space (Between the Ears) Race” (p. 136-136)

   I can only come to one conclusion…

   Michelle Bachmann and Sarah Palin are trying to “out-idiot” each other!

   Recently, I wrote about “Wild Eyes” Bachmann claiming that our founding fathers strove to their last breaths to eliminate the scourge of slavery fromour land… even though the last of the actual”founding fathers” died some three decades before Lincoln freed the slaves.

   Today, Caribou Barbie is claiming that the Soviet Union won the “Space Race” and it was that very race that lead to the ultimate collapse of the USSR.

From the essay, “Georgia Congressman Did NOT Evolve from Monkeys!” (p. 144)

   Intensive DNA analysis done at taxpayers’ expense has proven beyond a reasonable doubt that Kingston evolved from a different prehistoric creature entirely!  Yes. Congressman Jack Kingston’s DNA conclusively links him with the prehistoric trilobite — in this case, the Walliserops trifurcatus, a spiky, crawly thing that lived in the Middle Devonian period, about 390 million years ago.

From the essay, “Smug Atheism Bugs Me” (p. 202)

   These people remind me of the smart*ss third-grader who has just realized that Santa might actually be Mom and Dad, and decides to smugly proclaim his superiority to his classmates, ruining their fun and making them cry.

   Nobody is going door to door with guns forcing people to believe in any particular religion or any particular version of a religion.  (I can’t see that happening until after 2012 when President Palin signs the ‘Religious Unity and Jesusification of America” law.)

From the essay, “The Deep Brain Manifesto” (p. 223)

   And if I may adapt a phrase to my own purposes, there is none more stupid than he or she who will not learn.

   Now, these same forces of stupidity are working overtime to ensure that health insurance companies continue to rake in windfall profits at the expense of stupid people who think that “gubbermint health care” is “socialist.”

   Millionaires like Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity and Glenn Beck convince their viewers and listeners to embrace their fear, to hold onto it tight for it will keep them safe.  (And poor, and sick, and uneducated and stupid, they neglect to add…)

   If we have a purpose in this life, it’s to love and be loved. And who we love and how we love is nobody’s business but our own.  It is our mandate to learn as much as we can and to pass that knowledge on to the next generation so they may add to it and pass their combined knowledge on to another, hopefully more enlightened, generation.

This 236-page paperback, laced with hilarious illustrations, retails for $15.

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I write books about my experiences as a guy with Parkinson's disease and the other things that annoy me.