A renown confidante to executives and celebrities and author of a how-to learn to say "No" book says there are several often overlooked ways that the desire to please others affects our lives and relationships.
“Yesomania is a term I use to describe the chronic and widespread desire to please other people and always say “Yes”, often times compromising one’s own health, money or relationships. Valentine’s is the perfect time of the year to start taking measures against this phenomenon."
“Take the first step towards having more control over your life”, advises Irina Avtsin, author of Rediscovering the power of No. “Start taking a closer look at how saying "yes" to everything affects you and what is the price you pay for it. It will help you to see where you need to change first and take the next step towards making your life easier and less anxiety prone.”
Avtsin offers the following tips to assess the potential pitfalls and the extent of your Yesomania. Making even small improvements in each of those areas could help your relationships a lot – very more timely with Valentine’s Day so close upon us:
• Career. It’s hard to say "No" to your boss. However few people realize that if you are the one who always says “yes” you will be given all those tasks that others said “No” to – and for a good reason. Your raises and promotions will likely to get postponed, since there is no reason to make sure that you are happy with your job. You will say “yes” anyway.
• Personal relationships. When you always say “yes” to others request and suggestions you are not allowing other people to really get to know you. All they know is that you are someone with no preferences, who always says “yes”. While it might feel that you are always surrounded by people, you could find yourself alone in the moment of need – since suddenly you will not be able to accommodate everybody. It often happens to those affected by Yesomania, that accommodation might be the only thing people came to them for. Once “yes” is not on the menu they will disappear.
• Money. Your finances are bound to suffer if you can not say “No” to a small loan, going out to a restaurant that is too expensive for you or buying something you do not need because you can not refuse a salesperson. Do a quick calculation – how much did it cost you over the last month?
• Health. If you can not say "No" to your boss’s request to stay for a few hours longer and skip the gym as a result, you might start piling up those pounds that are so hard to lose later on. When you are on a diet and say “yes” to a friend’s desert part, your waist line is likely to suffer.
• Stress. When you are spread too thin you are stressed. Period. You do not have the time to evaluate your priorities and that in itself leads to additional stress.
Rediscovering the power of No offers great techniques and exercises for those looking to protect their boundaries and learn to say No. It makes a terrific Valentine gift under $10 for someone you really care about. “Great book, a must buy for the push over in your life!” says K. Stead, a reviewer from Amazon. For more information and to purchase go to