Does Self-Worth Go Up or Down with Self-Sacrifice?

Jan. 27, 2011 - PRLog -- What makes you feel better about yourself – giving in to your desire to eat the forbidden junk food or holding back, exercising restraint, and denying yourself the tasty treat?

Eating the treat leads to a good feeling, satiation, and even a temporary improvement in mood.  But, does it lead to improved self-worth?

The answer could be yes or no depending on whether you adhere to what I will call “self-deservingness theory” or “self-sacrifice theory.”

According to “deservingness theory,” self-worth is based on external rewards.  If I have high self-worth, I deserve to be rewarded.  Self-worth is begat of reward and begets even more reward.  The more I consume and reward myself the more worthy I am.  To have more, consume more, is be more worthy.  This view of self-worth says we build our self-worth from the outside in.  The more we are valued from outside ourselves by others and society, the more we value ourselves from within.

“Self-sacrifice” theory provides an opposing answer.  It is based on a view that self-worth comes from within – the more we value our inner strengths and resources, the more self-worth we have.  In this theory, denying oneself a reward or treat leads to more self-worth because self-worth is determined by our self perception that we can handle adversity and difficulty.  If we deny ourselves the treat we feel better about ourselves because we have faced the difficulty of temptation and overcome it with an act of self denial.  We feel better about ourselves because we believe we are internally strong enough to resist the temptation and overcome it.  In saying, “I can do without,” I actually become more.

Further, according to “self-sacrifice” theory, giving in to the temptation to consume the treat actually lowers self worth.  Giving-in leads to a perception of inner weakness, an inability of our psyche to withstand temptation.  We may even berate ourselves for the act of weakness and lose more self-worth. Because we berate ourselves for not being strong enough to withstand the temptation our self-worth suffers another blow.  There is a downward spiral of self-worth that occurs: temptation, followed by giving-in, followed by perception of personal weakness, followed by more self-berating and further and further loss of worth in a never ending, downward spiral.   The act of eating the treat is not an act of rewarding oneself but an act of personal weakness – as we admit to weakness we lower esteem and worth.

In my opinion, self-sacrifice leads to a stable and strong sense of self-worth built of inner strength.  Deservingness undermines self-worth because it makes one vulnerable to the vicissitudes and variability of the external world constantly built up and torn down by what surrounds us, day-to-day, like the sea turns stone to sand.

The Eskimos learned to survive the severe elements of the Arctic winter by building an Igloo and living inside it.  They would not survive exposed to the elements.  So to does self-worth built of inner strength give protection to our spirit from the elements of a dangerous world.

What do you think?

http://www.drrussbuss.com

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