Dragging Around Your Old Relationship Hang-ups Into The New Year?

Jan. 27, 2011 - PRLog -- MALIBU, CALIF.--The New Year is almost a month old and you're into new relationship that was solidified as the year began. You feel energized, thrilled to start 2011 with the man of your dreams--until your new love does something that reminds you of your ex and you go crazy. Are you doomed to repeat another failed relationship? Not necessarily, says Dr. Noelle Nelson, relationship expert and author of Your Man is Wonderful (Free Press, 2009).

   "Say your boyfriend is late to pick you up from the auto mechanic, forgets to pay a bill or misses the hamper more often than not. Your reaction is to yell or pout or have some other over-the-top response," says Nelson. "That's not you, you say. What's happening?"

   You're dragging the “What I hated” about your old relationship into the new, explains Nelson. "Your new love may have forgotten a few things, but he's not a clone of your ex. Step back from your panic or anger, and deal with your new boyfriend’s behavior as just that, behavior. Not as a fatal character flaw that’s about to tank your coupled bliss."

   Nelson says, "the New Year is an opportunity to establish new ways, new approaches with your relationship. You do it with your New Year’s resolutions. Relationships are no different. Tell him how you feel: 'When you're late to pick me up, I get panicky because I need to feel safe and secure.'”

   Explaining why his being late is unsettling to you, she says, is important. "It’s how you stay away from blaming him. Avoid a knee-jerk reaction by saying something like, 'When you're late to pick me up, I get panicky because I’m terrified you’re just like my ex and you're going to leave me in the lurch all the time!' As true as that feeling may be for you," says Nelson, "take a deep breath, treat your new love like the new person in your life he is. Ask him to pick you up on time from now on in a non-judgmental tone of voice.

   "If you don’t leap to the conclusion that your new sweetheart’s flaws and foibles are repeats of your ex’s, you’ll treat him differently. Chances are excellent that he will then respond differently than your ex would have, and you really can experience that new, better, improved relationship you desire."

   For more relationship tips, go to Nelson's blog, http://anotefromdrnoelle.blogspot.com  or follow her on Twitter and on Facebook.

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Dr. Noelle Nelson, relationship expert and author of Your Man is Wonderful (Free Press, 2009). For more relationship tips, go to Dr. Nelson's blog, http://anotefromdrnoelle.blogspot.com, on Twitter or www.noellenelson.com.